Life Lessons #1: Don’t have big regrets

Today is my 55th birthday. I’m now closer to 60 than to 50. That’s a scary thought, especially when I consider where I thought I’d be at this point in my life.

There are paths I chose in my life that, in retrospect, I wish I had not. But on this trip around the sun, I think I’ll spend the next few blog posts talking about what I’ve learned over the years, and my basic philosophy that I’ve tried to follow all these years.

When I was in High School, I thought I’d be a famous songwriter in a band when I was older. Or a politician. Or an actor. I had so many things I wanted to do. I was sure that by the time I was 55, I’d be rich and famous … but then, a lot of kids think that, don’t they?

So let’s start with this: Try not to have big regrets.

Act on your dreams. No one was ever on their death bed saying, “I’m so glad I never tried to accomplish that dream of mine!”

I’ve done a lot of different things in my life. I’ve been successful at some, and not so much at others.

When I was a kid, I decided I wanted to be an actor. So my mom took me to community theater, and I passed auditions and was in a number of plays. (I continued on through High School.)

Then I wanted to be a cartoonist. I ended up drawing comics for my school newspapers through law school.

I thought it would be great to be in a band, so I taught myself guitar, bass and piano. I played in many bands and still do from time to time.

In High School, I decided to start an “underground” newspaper. It became quite popular, although it was more like Mad Magazine than a real newspaper. (I continued to write for the college and law school papers and later did a column for the Allston-Brighton Item.)

Then I said, “I should write a musical comedy.” I did, and the High School drama coach liked it. The school put it on. It was held over an extra week and got good reviews from the local paper.

In College, I decided to run for the student government and received the highest number of votes of any candidate, and was later awarded the college’s Student Service Award in my senior year.

Then I decided to go to law school, mostly because I was interested in politics. I became involved with the Massachusetts chapter of Americans for Democratic Action and ended up as their President for a year. I also worked as a lobbyist, and was campaign manager for a state representative for a summer.

After law school, I said, “There should be a magazine for animated films,” and started Animato!, which later grew into a real magazine carried in book stores everywhere.

Then I joined up with some friends and began one of the first live-action fantasy medieval roleplaying games in America. I later broke away and started the Alliance LARP, which now has been running for more than 20 years. I have chapters all over the United States and Canada, and the Discovery channel recently did a documentary about us.

I recently decided I wanted to write fiction, and I have published two novels and six short stories (no, they’re not self-published) as well as edited two anthologies. I’m trying to get an agent for the third novel while working on the fourth.

Now, were all of these things successful? No. I tried to make a living at the LARP but ended up living in poverty for a few years. My books are not best-sellers. My bands may have played all the big clubs but we never got a record deal. I gave up on the cartooning and never pursued the acting.

I’ve had regrets about life, just like everyone. But they are rarely of the “I wish I had tried that” variety.

And that’s today’s lesson: Take control and make things happen in your life. There is no “Life Fairy” who will come along, point a magic wand, and make all your dreams come true. Sitting around and watching TV won’t get you anywhere. Get off your butt and do something. Make something of your life.

Make sure that when you’re on your death bed, you have no big regrets.

5 thoughts on “Life Lessons #1: Don’t have big regrets

  1. I don’t think any of us are exactly where we thought we’d be in our lives. I thought by now I’d have 2 kids in grade school at least. Instead I have one in preschool. I thought I’d be married for at least 10 years, probably more. Try half that number. I thought I’d be published by now–not yet. I thought I’d be wealthy. Not. But the thing is, even though I sometimes wish things had turned out more like I “planned,” I’m very happy with my life now. So I don’t regret the choices I’ve made or the paths I’ve taken, because they have brought me here. And here is pretty darn good.

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  2. Sounds like you have done some awesome stuff! I had no idea you were such a Renaissance Man. It sounds like your criteria for “success” could use some perspective, though.

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    • I think one of the lessons I’ve learned is this: Try not to do everything.

      If I had picked one of those things I was interested in and put all my effort into it, maybe I would have been successful in it. (Successful to me means making a living at it.) But I was always working on many projects at once and never put my complete effort into one thing.

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  3. Trying things is half the fun, just like the journey is often more interesting than the destination. I think everybody has a few regrets, things they think they would have done different or wish they had done differently. The idea is to do the best you have with what you have at any given moment. It’s funny my youngest child is a LARP person and I did not know you started it. She will be very shocked when she finds out someone as old as her mother started the whole thing!. Enjoy the next 56 years my friend.

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