Religion

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Proof the Three Wise Men were Republicans

“Mary and Joseph! Great to meet you. Congrats on the new baby, who is the Son of God and everything. He’s the most important person on the planet in the history of the world. So good luck raising him in this barn, and don’t expect any help from us. Here’s some presents, now we’re off.”

It’s always struck me as strange that they know who this kid is, travel to see him, and then just leave him alone for the next 30 years or so. You’d think if he was that important, they’d take him somewhere to be protected and to learn the religion and everything. I mean, come on, I’ve read plenty of books about babies born into prophecy — that’s what they do.

And what do Republicans do? They care about babies tremendously, until they’re born.

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Nonbelievers growing in numbers

The number of Americans who are either atheists, agnostics, or claim “no religion” is almost a third of the population and growing very quickly.

So when you say things like “God Bless America” or want people to recite the pledge with the words “under God” in it, you are excluding a huge minority of people.

Maybe the pledge should say instead “One nation, except for a third of the population whose views are irrelevant and unimportant to me.”

And of the remaining religious folks, many do not want government involved in religious laws (such as banning abortion or gay marriage).

In fact, I think one of the reasons religious belief is dying in America is because of the fanatics who proclaim to love Jesus while hating everything he stood for. It’s no wonder people are turning away from religion.

cartoon by Robert Leighton
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Christians forcing their religion in our jails

An atheist inmate in West Virginia sued the court system because he was forced to attend substance abuse counseling which required him to “accept Jesus” in order to graduate from the program. He refused, and they wouldn’t release him when he would normally have been released because of it.

He just won.

It’s amazing how often certain Christians scream about how they’re being oppressed when I can only find examples in the opposite direction. And every example they like to give is just us fighting a defense against them.

Mind you, while this case may have been brought by atheists, it’s a win for everyone of every belief and no belief.

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Something about religion is just a mystery to me

The biggest mystery in life to me is still why otherwise intelligent people believe in a god.

I’m not talking about just believing in a creator, or in being “spiritual,” but in all the religious stuff: heaven and hell, angels, demons, formalities, rituals, rules that he will punish you forever with… All the kinds of cliches you see in fantasy novels.

They have no problem believing in evolution and the earth being older than 4000 years and an expanding universe, but they still believe their god made this gigantically huge universe, stuck the earth in some corner of some minor galaxy, had dinosaurs running the place for 165 million years, and then finally decided to have humans evolve in the last half a million years or so.

They will laugh at people who believe in the healing power of crystals or Bigfoot or aliens decorating fields with crop circles, but have no problem believing in a human-like creator who performed many miracles a few thousand years ago, but only in this one small part of the planet.

They will find ways to explain away every inconsistency to themselves that convinces them, yet will laugh at any other religion’s inconsistencies.

I honestly just don’t get it. How can you be a logical, intelligent person who believes in evidence and proof and still be religious?

I know, I know — some people are angry that I implied that belief in religion isn’t “intelligent.” What I mean by that is this:

When I asked this on Facebook, I got hundreds of replies, with most of them saying that it was about “faith” which is different. I agree it’s different. But no scientific advancement was ever made by having faith. Faith isn’t evidence. Faith isn’t factual.

I’m just trying to understand how people who are logical and demand evidence for everything else can make an exception for their religious beliefs. “I make an exception because I want to” is what it sounds like to me.

Some said the universe is just too beautiful and there are things that can’t be explained, and therefore that’s why they believe. But to me, that’s such a jump. “I can’t understand how the universe could be this beautiful. Therefore it HAD to be designed and created that way.”

That’s no different to me from ancient Greeks saying “Lighting is so mysterious. Therefore it HAS to be Zeus shooting lightning bolts from a tall mountain.”

There’s nothing wrong with saying “I don’t know. Maybe some day we will figure it out.”

Some say that religion provides them comfort. I’m not willing to believe impossible things just because they make me comfortable.

My point isn’t addressed to those people who believe in Adam and Eve and a young earth and who deny evolution.

It’s addressed at friends who are otherwise intelligent, logical, and rational who still believe despite lack of any evidence to support that belief.

They deny Nessie and Bigfoot and the Tooth Fairy for lack of evidence but have no problem believing in a god.

That just mystifies me.

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A message from God

“Hi, it’s me, God. I’ve created a gigantically unimaginably huge universe, so large even I have trouble comprehending it.

However, I am only concerned with one small infinitesimal part of it, and then only those creatures who evolved in the last half a million or so years of the planet’s four billion year history, and then I only made an appearance in one small area of the planet for a short period of time where I performed some miracles and then never came back again.

Because, you know, I’m God. I work in mysterious ways.

And of all the trillions and trillions of worlds in this universe, what concerns me most? Whether people on this small planet out on the edge of one minor galaxy love each other in a way I don’t approve of.”

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Ban this book!

Our children should not be reading books filled with sex and violence!

There’s one in particular that is completely outrageous! There’s tremendous violence, incest, and detailed descriptions about the size of male sexual organs and what they can produce. It glorifies and justifies slavery, treats women as property, and encourages readers to believe in fantasy like unicorns and magic. Some readers of this book have been inspired to violence, causing outrageous damage to people and cultures.

I’m talking, of course, about this book called “The Bible.”

Instead, let’s have our children read books that enlighten and educate them. Like Art Spiegelman’s “Maus.”

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How to help Christians who don’t like Satanist prayers

Many governmental meetings start off with a prayer, despite the clear language of the 1st Amendment. Courts have held that this is fine as long as you give equal time to all religions. Not that most places abide by that, of course.

The Satanists in Alaska protested and won, and were allowed to give a prayer at a meeting recently, which caused many at the meeting to leave in protest.

Look, Christians: If you don’t want to hear prayers from religions you don’t like, then the solution is to not have prayers at all at government meetings. You know, kind of like what the founders wanted when they wrote that whole 1st Amendment thing.

Don’t like it? Move to some country where religion is part of government, like Iran.

Please understand: No one is trying to stop you from practicing your religion. No one. You are not under attack. There is no “war on Christians.”

All we’re saying is “Don’t make us obey your religion.” We’re the ones under attack. Every fight is in defense.

Stop trying to make us listen to your prayers, live by your religious laws, and take our tax money to pay for your religion and we can all get along just fine.

So here’s my advice to Christians: If you prohibit all prayers in government meetings, you will never have to sit through one you disagree with.

And if not, then you’ll know exactly what it feels like to be an atheist at these things.

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It’s not Christians we’re ridiculing — it’s unamerican assholes

VP Mike Pence spoke to graduates at a religious college recently and spoke about how Christians are “ridiculed” and persecuted in America.

But that’s not true. People like me don’t ridicule and persecute Christians.  We ridicule and persecute unamerican assholes.60349468_10156489547576872_2389256131710025728_n

When religious people insist on forcing everyone else to live by their religious beliefs in America, they are assholes, and many Christians would agree with that if you mentioned “Sharia Law” to them. But when it’s their own religion, they have no problem in forcing their religious laws upon us.

The reason it looks like Christians are “persecuted,” Mr. Pence, is because they’re the only ones doing this. Jews in America aren’t trying to ban bacon. Muslims aren’t trying to make us all read from the Quran in school. Amish aren’t trying to ban telephones.

Every “attack” we may lodge at these Christians is done in self-defense.

  • They want to take away the rights of women and force us all to live by their religious belief that a collection of cells is a person.
  • They want to force us to say their prayers in our public schools.
  • They want to use our money to place religious monuments in public places.
  • They want to prohibit gays and lesbians from being married because they think their religion doesn’t allow it.
  • They want us all to celebrate their religious holidays and ignore all others or else they claim there is a “war” on their religion.
  • They want the right to discriminate based on their religious beliefs.

All we’re asking is that they leave us alone. None of us are trying to prevent them from living by their own religious codes. We just want to stop them from forcing us to live by theirs.

I have many Christian friends who are wonderful, loving people who try their best to live by the teachings of Jesus and who would never think to force others to live by their rules. The ridicule and “persecution” is not against Christians.

It’s against unamerican assholes like the Vice President.

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The 6th Annual “War on Christmas” contest

Merry War on Christmas, everybody!

Anger drives ratings, as Fox News is well aware. And that’s why they created the War on Christmas. Those poor Christians, being attacked and persecuted and treated terribly — how awful it must be to be a discriminated against majority. All those laws requiring people to never say “Merry Christmas” …  oh wait.

war on christmas

cartoon by Pat Bagley

 

Every example Fox News gives for a “War on Christmas” always boils down to something like “They won’t let us force kids to sing our religious songs!” or “They say ‘Happy Holidays’ which acknowledges that not everyone is a Christian and therefore they are attacking us!” or “They are refusing to allow us to use taxpayer dollars for a religious display.”

So for six years now, I have challenged anyone to give me an example of a real “attack on Christmas,” because every one of these examples is, in reality, fought in defense. You wouldn’t even hear about them if these particular Christians weren’t trying to require everyone to obey their beliefs.

Or else they’ll point out one misguided grinch who complains about a decoration or something as if that was evidence of a vast, coordinated attack. This year, they’re trotting out an elementary school principal who, in an effort to avoid controversy, banned even secular representations of Christmas such as Santa Claus and Christmas trees. She changed her position once people complained, but that was hardly a “war on Christmas” as much as it was someone who understood that religion does not belong in a public school but mistakenly went too far.

And this in no way prevented any family from celebrating their religion in any way they wanted to on their own.

So there’s my yearly challenge: find me one example of anyone trying to prevent people from celebrating a religious Christmas. Just one.

I have a feeling I know what the result will once again be.

(And yes, of course, just to clarify: #notallChristians)

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Your morality isn’t in your religion

Where do our moral beliefs originate?

Religious people will tell you it comes from their god. But then they ignore all the things in their religious books that contradict that (slavery is fine, divorcees should be stoned to death, eating shellfish is a sin…).church lady

Those of us who don’t believe come to our morality by using logic and empathy. We don’t act the way we do because of a fear of punishment in the afterlife we don’t believe exists; we do things because we think it’s right — it’s the way we want to treat others and how we would like to be treated in return.

And so do religious people, but they don’t always realize it.

For instance, if your religious leader suddenly told you to do something that you consider wrong, would you do it? If your preacher pointed to the Bible to justify children getting married at age 14 because the Bible allows it, would you say, “Well, that’s what God wants so I’m going to go marry a 14-year old”?

A better example may be gay marriage. Many preachers argue that this is a sin and that God hates gay people, but many religious folks have rejected that. They ignore their leaders — or they shop around until they find another church that agrees with their views.

See? Your morality is within you. It’s in the choices you make. Sure, your religion may offer you guidance but do you know of anyone who says, “Well, I disagree with this view completely but I’m still going to follow it”? Even a majority of Catholics believe that abortion should be legal.

You don’t need religion to have morality and, if you’re being honest with yourself, you can come up with many religious people whose morality is questionable at best.

And that’s why it is so insulting when religious folks tell atheists that we have no morals, because we came by our morals the same way they did.