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How to grow a cow

And now for something completely different.

Years ago, my wife Heidi Hooper (the famous dryer lint artist) had a booth at the New York Renaissance Faire where she made armor. (Her Masters’ is in metalsmithing). She also made leather armor, and when you poked the holes for laces, we’d end up with lots of little, round pieces of leather.

So we decided to package them in small bags and sell them as “cow seeds” for a dollar. I wrote up the “instructions” for it, and made it full of terrible puns. We posted it and said if anyone could read it out loud without smiling or laughing, they’d get a free packet. It was a good way to attract attention to the booth.

My beautiful wife working at the Ren Faire around 2003 or so

Anyway, I recently found what I had written and want to share it with you now. Try reading it out loud and see if you can keep a straight face.

How To Grow a Cow

Take your cow seeds and find a suitable spot. Cows prefer pastures so attempt to plant there; which shall also have the added benefit of making the cow’s milk already pasturized.

In the ground, exactly three and one quarter inches from the surface, plant your cow seeds. Sprinkle upon said planted seeds exactly one thimble of cow’s milk, heated to exactly 84 degrees. Every day at the exact same hour, hoof it to the site and sprinkle the same. Keep your eyes open for nasty weeds, as a milkweed is unwanted.

Soon you will see the proper plant emerging; indeed, it is a bo-vine! In order for the vine to grow and climb, plant next to it a steak. You will certainly be mooved by the experience. If it takes a long time to sprout, remember: leather late than never.

When the bovine is up to your calf, steer your sights towards pruning the udderly unnecessary limbs. Four is the perfect number. Be forewarned: if you cut all limbs, you will have ground beef; and if some are cut uneven, you will have lean beef.

If you aren’t careful, a tail may be removed by mistake; however, these can be replaced at any retail store.

If you heifer forget to milk your plant, it would be a cowtastrophe. If that is the case, hide. And blow a horn. It may be a wise idea to hire a lad to care of your plant (a “cowboy” as it were).

If all is successful, a fine young cow will be there for you! Soon all of your friends will be calling you a “cow chip off the old block.”

Planting more seeds will produce like results and soon you will be in the War of the Roses! (No, wait, the War of the Roses was a crown battle, and the seeds will give you brown cattle.)

Be sure to educate your cow well or it will produce milk of amnesia. Do not make her nervous, or she will have milk shakes. Do not pamper her, or you will receive spoiled milk.

Is it easy to milk a cow? Sure, any little jerk can do it; however, any little jerk must be careful or the results will be beyond the pail.

WARNING: If these instructions are not performed exactly, your cow seeds may never sprout and you will be left udderly cowless.

We guarantee that this is no bull.

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Discussing the middle east without being anti-Jewish or anti-Muslim

The saddest part about the whole Israel / Palestine debate I am seeing among fellow liberals is how easily it turns into anti-Jewish and anti-Muslim commentary

I’ll repeat what I’ve said before and then that’s all I’m going to say because this always turns into a terrible debate:

Israel is a democratic country surrounded by countries that want them completely eradicated and have no interest in living together, and they support terrorists who attack Israel. That doesn’t mean Israel has the right to treat them as terribly as they have done, or to commit war crimes.

I can support Israel without agreeing to what their government is doing in the same way I can support the US without agreeing to what our government is doing.

Attacking the Israeli government for their actions is NOT attacking the Jewish people, many of whom (including Israeli citizens) ALSO disagree with their government.

And attacking Muslim politicians here in America who say we should not be supporting Israel in their war crimes should be based on their positions and NOT on the fact that they are Muslim (since there are nonMuslims who also say that).

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Weird AI

A while ago, I was at a convention with Robert Sawyer, who had written one of my favorite series (The WWW series) in which the internet becomes sentient. In the book, the internet uses its ability to help researchers combine studies done and helps advance medicine and technology and otherwise push us toward a better future.

I asked him if he thought it was possible and that could happen with AI.

Sadly, he said no — he was not optimistic, despite the fact that most of his books have a satisfying ending…

But in general, I think AI will improve our lives eventually in those areas (NOT in the artistic areas — I can’t imagine AI producing good literature or art). But not yet. AI that gives us completely wrong answers on google or that gives wrong diagnoses or legal research isn’t what we need, obviously.

The problem now is that the technology isn’t up to it. Someday we won’t need huge AI centers gobbling up electricity and reservoirs of water. Someday it will be able to differentiate between facts and lies. But not yet. You shouldn’t rely on it.

Anyway, AI is not going away. We need to control it and regulate it and demand that it isn’t used for creative endeavors. And we need to make sure it’s used ethically.

Nick Anderson

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No reason indeed

Steve Sack
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How you can help fighting tyranny while being entertained

OK, you know that groups like the ACLU and Pro Publica are filing lawsuits and doing everything they can to fight Trump’s lawlessness, right? Well, if you’re not the kind to want to just give your money to these groups, how about buying a book with great science fiction and fantasy stories from some of the genre’s top writers?

You’ll get some wonderful stories to read so your money is well spent. Since every one of the authors in this book have donated their stories, all the profits go to the ACLU and Pro Publica! See? You’re not only getting some great entertainment, but you’re doing some real good!

This collection includes my humorous story “Horseman, Horseman, Horseman & Horseman, Attorneys at Law” wherein the four horsemen stand up against Satan’s plan. (Any resemblance to the ACLU is unintentional.)

Click here to order your book now!: Ebook or Paperback.

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What Democrats need to do in 2029

Assuming Democrats take over the Presidency and Congress in 2028 (which is likely), we need our own 2029 agenda to once more clean up the mess Republicans leave us.

Some things will be difficult–such as convincing our allies that we can be trusted when we sign treaties. They’ll say “Yeah, but if another Republican gets elected in four years, how do we know they won’t rip it up like Trump did with the Iran treaty?” and they’ll have a very good point.

cartoon by Mike Luckovich

But mostly, we need to stop trying to reach across the aisle. We need to use the legal tricks the GOP has used under Trump to just do what needs to be done and not being wimps about it.

And there’s a lot that can be done to fix our democracy without resorting to Constitutional amendments.

Here’s the main Agenda to Save Democracy as I see it:

  1. Increase the Supreme Court to 13 members–one for each federal district.
  2. Require all Supreme Court members to follow the same Judicial Code of Ethics that all other federal judges must follow.
  3. Install the Wyoming Rule, which will increase the House of Representatives and make each House member more accurately represent the approximately same amount of people.
  4. Require members of Congress and the Supreme Court to place all investments in a blind trust so they cannot vote on things that would directly benefit them.
  5. Establish a bipartial committee to draw district lines to eliminate gerrymandering.
  6. Make Puerto Rico a state and redraw DC to only include the federal buildings where no one lives.

Those are needed to fix democracy. Of course, there are other things they should do as well that are needed, such as establish medicare for all, increase taxes on billionaires, cut off the cap on social security so the very rich pay their proper amount, abolish ICE and stop treating minor immigration violations as if they were serious felonies, make it easier to vote, raise the minimum wage, codify the right to an abortion, and so on. You know–all the things a majority of Americans support. The moderate positions that Republicans keep calling radical socialism.

Then we can work on Constitutional amendments that are needed, such as eliminating the Electoral College and establishing that corporations aren’t people and money isn’t speech.

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“The President SHALL be removed for treason”

The thing to remember is that our Constitution DOES have a provision that would solve this Trump problem.

It says clearly “The President, Vice President and all Civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

SHALL be removed. Not “may be removed.”

The problem is, of course, that Republicans don’t care what the Constitution says. The founders never imagined that we’d have such corruption that our Congress wouldn’t obey the Constitution and remove a President who has committed “high crimes” (felonies).

As I’ve said before, the only way to stop this is to vote only for Democrats, even if it’s just for local dog catcher. And if you refuse to vote or vote third party, you’re part of the problem.

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The Trump-Iran War: Who Benefits?

by guest blogger Ian Randal Strock

Last year, President Donald Trump was railing against wind power, urging the UK to shut down their wind power farms in favor “cheap and reliable” oil. His Big Beautiful Bill (which seems much more like a Frankenbill) cancelled tax breaks for solar and wind power in the US.

Three weeks ago, he launched a hot war against Iran.

The United States, which is nearly self-sufficient in terms of oil, is not threatened by that bottleneck. Prices, however, skyrocketed. And last week, Trump reminded the world “when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money.”

In response—a response any first-year political science student could have predicted—Iran threatened the safety of shipping through the Strait of Hormuz, sending the cost of oil skyrocketing and imperiling the global flow of oil. And now Trump is calling for other countries to pledge military support to secure the Strait, in effect, demanding they clean up after his mistake.

Who benefits?

The “we” in that Trump quote is not the average American; it’s the oil companies in the US. And quite possibly Trump himself and his close advisors. The US oil companies, for whom the cost of producing and distributing oil and gasoline have not changed, now get to sell their product for more money.

Global instability also leads to lower values for national currencies, increasing interest in those media which are not tied to any nation, such as cryptocurrencies. In October 2025, Bitcoin peaked at a value around $126,000 per coin. It then plummeted to about $62,000 in February. Since Trump launched this war, it is back up to $74,000, a 20% increase. Ethereum—one of the cryptocurrencies in the president’s personal portfolio—has followed a similar trajectory.

Saudi Arabia is almost the undisputed power in the Gulf region. Indeed, the only country that can threaten them is Iran, which is lead by people who are unpredictable and dangerous. Reports March 16 say that the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammed Bin Salman, is speaking regularly with Trump, urging him to continue attacking Iran harshly.

Meanwhile, since the onset of this war, you haven’t thought about the Trump-Epstein Files, have you?

Presidential historian Ian Randal Strock is a publisher and writer whose home on the web is at IanRandalStrock.com. He is the recipient of two AnLab Awards, the American Mensa National Service Award, and the 2025 Skylark Award.

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Trump has never had a majority

I get depressed about how many Americans voted for Trump, but at least it’s never been a majority.

He lost the popular vote in the first election, never even reached a 50% approval the entire time he was in office, lost the second election by a larger amount, only won 49% of the vote the next time, and has an even lower approval rating this time.

Still, it’s astounding that people voted for him a second and third time at all. We should all be ashamed as a country about that.

His popularity is currently at the lowest of any President since they began doing these polls. He beat the record of the previous President with the lowest popularity, which was (checks notes) Donald Trump in his first term.

Rob Rogers
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Suddenly, being a pedo is just fine with conservatives

The whole fake QAnon thing was about how there was a cabal of liberals abusing children. They made up stories about secret basements in pizza parlors that don’t have basements and tied every liberal they could think of into it. Look at how terrible this is! Won’t somebody think of the children!

Turns out they were right about the abuse of children, but wrong about who was doing it.

Now they don’t care because, as we have seen time and time again, the current conservative in America stands for nothing.

cartoon by Chris Britt