How to be a Trump supporter

Welcome, Trump supporters! To truly tell if you belong in our group, please acknowledge the following:

(a) Clinton would have been beholden to Goldman Sachs if she had been elected since she gave them speeches! (b) I’m so glad Trump has appointed a Goldman Sachs employee to oversee the economy for us.derp-trump

(a) Clinton should be locked up because she used a private server for her emails. (b) David Patraeus is a perfect candidate for Secretary of State, because who cares if he used his private server for emails and shared them with his mistress and was convicted for it?

(a) Trump will bring about a new era of law and order! (b) There’s nothing wrong with putting people with criminal records in charge of our government.

(a) Clinton violated campaign finance laws and tried to steal the election — I don’t have any evidence but I know it’s true! (b) The 1,000 cases of campaign finance violations the FEC charged Trump with are meaningless and minor.

(a) The people have spoken and they want major change — they want Donald Trump as President! (b) It doesn’t matter that he was beaten by a larger margin of popular votes than any candidate in years, because what the people want doesn’t matter anyway, it’s all about states.

(a) Clinton doesn’t support the troops and that’s why we didn’t want her. (b) You don’t have to be a veteran to understand the troops, so there’s nothing wrong with a guy who got a bunch of deferments from the army being President and having that person appoint Sarah Palin, a woman with no military experience whatsoever, for head of Veteran’s Affairs.

See?  It’s easy! All you have to do is hold two completely contradictory opinions without having the slightest bit of self-consciousness of being a hypocrite, and then you, too, can be a Trump Supporter!

 

 

 

 

Thin-skinned babies want to punish flag burners

Freedom of Speech is meaningless if it only protects speech we all like.

Trump, soon to be known as “the Tweeting President,” has declared that people should be jailed for burning the American flagflagburning.jpg

People who claim to be patriots (but who don’t quite grasp the concept) are cheering him on, pointing out that burning the flag is an insult to America and the veterans who have fought for what the flag stands for.

Well, duh. Of course burning a flag is insulting. So is standing on a corner with a sign saying “God Hates Fags.” They know it’s insulting when they do it. That’s why they do it.

But America has thicker skin than Trump, who spends more time thinking about how much he can’t stand Saturday Night Live than he does going to necessary intelligence briefings.* America knows that we can take the insults, because we’re better than that.

And we know that if we start banning speech we don’t like, then it may be our speech they come after next. The Founding Fathers knew that when they wrote the 1st Amendment. The Supreme Court knows that, as they have ruled many times. You have to protect speech we hate. Speech we all agree with doesn’t need protecting.

So if you really believe in freedom, if you really are a patriot, then mean it. Stand for what the Constitution guarantees. Don’t make exceptions.

Don’t be a thin-skinned baby who can’t take an insult — you know, like the immature child that a minority of us chose to lead us.

*I am not making that up

How to Honor the Founding Fathers with the Electoral College

“The Electoral College was set up with a specific purpose in mind and we should do what the Founding Fathers want,” people say to me whenever I argue for getting rid of it.

Well, fine. If your desire is to do what the Founding Fathers wanted, then we’ll need to change a few things.Stock Photo of the Consitution of the United States and Feather Quill

  1. Stop having Presidential elections. There’s nothing in the Constitution about them. The Electors are chosen by the state legislatures in any way they wish. They could choose the lobbyists who give them the most money if they wanted to.
  2. How the state legislatures are chosen is not provided for in the Constitution either. So we should allow states to just appoint these people, too.
  3. The Founding Fathers also intended that whoever came in second place would be Vice President. Nothing wrong with that, right?
  4. Even if the states do decide to have elections, those states should only allow white men who own property to vote. Hey, do you want to honor the Founding Fathers or not here?

Of course, in those days where it could literally take weeks to travel from state to state, each state was much more independent and unique, almost like the way the European Union is now. We were less a country than a collection of independent states (which is why we are called the “United States of America” and not just “America”).

That changed quickly. People started seeing the President as the leader of all the people and not as just some figurehead off there in the distance. (Seriously, does anyone know who the leader of the European Union is?)

And the states started having elections to choose this leader. Congress decided on a date for these elections — because that’s not in the Constitution either — and soon, the popular vote winner in that state decided who the electors were. By 1824, this led to the election of Andrew Jackson, exactly the kind of person the Electoral College was set up to prevent getting into the White House. Thus, within forty years of the writing of the Constitution, while some of the Founding Fathers were alive, we had already moved away from the original intent of the Electoral College.

So for those of you who say we should keep it in order to honor what the Founding Fathers intended:  You’re 200 years too late.

What we don’t understand about Trump supporters

Of course not all Trump supporters are nazis or racists.

However, they all apparently don’t have a problem with supporting a candidate who is supported by nazis and racists.

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cartoon by David Horsey

It’s that indifference that is what the rest of us can’t understand — a sort of selfishness that says “Meh, I’m not Muslim or black or gay or anything, so why should I care?”

“You should support the President-elect!” scream Trump’s followers — you know, the same ones who from day one did everything they could to discount and insult Obama’s presidency. But blindly following a President simply because he is President is the opposite of patriotism.

This is not about disagreeing with his political positions. This is not about debating tax policy or foreign policy. This is about how he and his cabinet treats other human beings.

Look, no one is arguing for an insurrection or treason against Trump. We are the loyal opposition.

And boy, are we in opposition.