Guardians of the Fallacy

“No one wants to work these days”

“No one wants to work these days,” employers are saying.

Strange. Unemployment is at its lowest level in 54 years. People certainly seem to want to work, given that statistic. What these employers don’t understand is that no one wants to work for them.

What has happened is that workers now can be choosy. They can go to the places that pay the best and give the best benefits. And you know what? Places that do so are having no problem finding people who want to work.

I mean, duh.

A new definition of “freedom”

The tragedy of college these days

When I went to college, I took so many different courses, based on what interested me. Besides my political science major, I took courses in sociology, philosophy, history, astronomy, music, film, literature, and even a course in puppetry. I think I became a better educated, well-rounded person because of it.

But college didn’t cost much in those days. I even went a 5th year (partially because I was working part time to pay for it and didn’t take 16 credits each semester) but that allowed me to expand past the required courses a lot more.

Now, with college being so expensive, people see it as an investment toward a job instead of being “getting an education.” It’s work training.

And that’s quite sad.

Joke Books

Biden’s best lines from the Correspondence Dinner

I believe in the First Amendment — not just because my good friend Jimmy Madison wrote it.

I get that age is a completely reasonable issue. It’s on everybody’s mind. And by “everyone” I mean the New York Times.  Headline: “Biden’s advanced age is a big issue. Trump’s, however, is not.”

I want everybody to have fun tonight, but please be safe. If you find yourself disoriented or confused, it’s either you’re drunk or Marjorie Taylor Greene.  

I love NPR — because they whisper into the mic like I do. But not everybody loves NPR.  Elon Musk tweeted that it should be defunded. The best way to make NPR go away is for Elon Musk to buy it.

We really have a record to be proud of.

We added 12 million jobs, and that’s just counting the lawyers who defended Trump.

I had a lot of Ron DeSantis jokes ready, but Mickey Mouse beat the hell out of me and got there first.   

It’s great the cable news networks are here tonight. MSNBC, owned by NBC Universal. Fox News, owned by Dominion Voting Systems. 

Last year, your favorite Fox News reporters were able to attend because they were fully vaccinated and boosted. This year, with that $787 million settlement, they’re here because they couldn’t say no to a free meal.  

Republican Snappy Answers

Fox and the lawsuits

Fox finally paid a huge amount to settle the lawsuit with Dominion. Of course, there are other lawsuits still pending.

So why did Dominion settle instead of going to trial?

Had Dominion gone to trial, a few things might have happened:

1. They could lose. Not likely, but not impossible;

2. They could get much less money from a jury;

3. Fox would appeal, it would take years, cost a lot in legal fees, and could end up in front of a Trump-appointed court that could reverse everything.

So making a settlement is reasonable. After all, Dominion is a business. Their ultimate goal isn’t “democracy” or “justice” — it’s getting money for their stockholders and sending a message that they won’t allow themselves to be defamed.

I know we all would have loved to see Fox people testifying, but be let’s be realistic: The cultists would never change their minds even when their cult leaders admitted under oath they had lied.

The Fox Settlement

Things not to say when hiring a lawyer

As a criminal defense attorney, I have literally had variations of all these things said to me over the years:

1. I’m looking for a cheap lawyer.

2. I want a real lawyer, not a public defender.

3. I’ve had three other lawyers on this case and I’ve fired them all but I want to hire you now.

4. I’m just looking for someone to do my case pro bono; I don’t want to have to pay anything.

5. I need a lawyer because the government is out to get me ever since they planted the listening devices in my head.

6. I’m paying you, so you do exactly what I tell you to do.

7. I spoke to the other inmates, and they told me that the District Attorney and my Public Defender are both wrong about what the law says.

8. If I pay you extra, can you make this go away?

9. If you lose, do I get my money back?