Too depressed to blog

This whole impeachment situation has just gotten me too depressed to blog. Apparently, the President can break laws left and right and it doesn’t even matter any more. After the Senate refused to convict, he went out and fired those who had testified against him, which is another easily proven crime (retaliation against witnesses) but of course, nothing is going to happen. Meanwhile, the justice department has decided that it works for Trump, not the American people, and is intervening in cases for political purposes, causing some of the lawyers in the department to quit in protest.

Now, admittedly, we as a country have been through worse. We had a civil war, for chrissake. But I had thought we were past that now, and the saddest thing is not so much what Trump is doing to this country, but instead how many of my fellow Americans are cheering him on.

cartoon by Rueben Bolling


How to fire someone

Let’s say you’re a boss who can fire anyone any time you want. Let’s say you even have a catch phrase of “You’re fired” that you’re known for. Now let’s say you want to fire someone who works for you. What’s the best way to do it?

Obviously, the best way to do it is to call in some unconnected Russian friends with criminal ties and ask them to “take her out.”

I mean, duh.

The return of Kenneth Starr

So let me get this straight.

Trump has hired Ken Starr — the man who tried to convince us all that a consensual blow job was grounds for removing a President from office — to try to convince us all that there’s nothing Trump has done that warrants removal.

Good luck with that, Ken.

mobster don

What innocent people do

When I have a client who is innocent, here’s my strategy:

Refuse to produce documents proving his innocence;

Refuse to have witnesses who can prove the innocence come forward and testify;

Refuse to testify under oath to prove innocence;

Insult the judges who will be deciding, while bribing the rest;

Write long, insulting letters accusing the prosecutor of random, made up crimes;

Whine about it constantly to anyone who will listen.

I mean, what more do they need? Clearly, a guilty person would not do all that.

Name one thing Trump has done that is counter to Putin’s desires

I dare anyone to find one thing Trump has done that isn’t in Russian’s interest.
Get out of Turkey? Done.
Allow Erdogan to buy missiles from Russia? Okay
Try to always make Ukraine the bad guy? Yep.
Allow Russia to build bases in Cuba? No problem.
Look the other way when Russian dissidents go missing or are killed? Of course.
Never ever say one bad word about Putin? You got it.
Allow Russia to take over airbases in Syria once we abandon them? Easy peasy.
Try to get us out of NATO? Working on it.
Get the US out of international treaties? Yep, most of them.
Can’t think of one foreign policy decision Trump has made that in any way is counter to what Russia wants. Can you?

Trump’s Diary

Dear Diary,

I hate this job. I never thought they’d give it to me in the first place. I mean, I just asked for it because I love the attention and thought it would help business bigly. And then I won. You should have seen Melania’s face. I thought she’d hit me.

So I’ve been trying to get out of it somehow. If I resigned they’d all call me a loser so I can’t do that, so I need them to impeach me.Trump_Mueller_QuestionsIf they do that, I can say it was a witch hunt and that way it’s not my fault. I can keep on having big rallies, the biggest ever, the biggest the country has ever seen, and I won’t have to deal with stupid people telling me all the time what I can’t do.

So I keep doing stuff to get me impeached but they just won’t do it. I mean, come on, I’ve broken how many laws already? And then I admit it publicly and brag about it?

Just yesterday I announced we’d have the G7 meeting at one of my hotels which is not only illegal but clearly against the Constitution, too.

What more do I gotta do?

Anyway, gotta go. Haven’t tweeted in fifteen minutes.

One thing we can be sure of with Trump’s motives regarding the Kurds

There are a lot of theories out there about why Trump decided to betray our allies the Kurds. Among them:

  • He has Trump Towers in Turkey and he wants to keep the Turkish government happy so nothing happens to his investment
  • He likes the dictator who currently runs Turkey, who is his kind of guy
  • Putin wanted him to do this and he does anything Putin wants

The one theory to explain why he did this that we know is not true? “He did this because he was acting in the best interests of the United States.”

Being the stable genius that he is, he explained his actions thusly (artist’s recreation):

(from the Twitter page @PresVillain)