Bisexual superheroes?!!

Superman marries Lois Lane

(crickets)

Batman has sex with Catwoman

(silence)

Spider-Man gets it on with Mary Jane

(yawn)

Ironman has sex with as many women as possible

(meh)

Superman’s son kisses another man

Proud Boys: OMIGOD can’t they keep this sexual stuff off the comics? I don’t want to know about their private lives, I just want to see them fighting! Why do they have to shove this crap in my face?

Things I Have Never Done (and don’t want to)

Things have been crazy lately — been very busy and just not up to talking too much politics, so excuse me for not updating the blog as often as I should.

So today, I’m just going to have a bit of fun. I saw some meme where you assign points to things you’ve never done in your life, and there’s a lot I haven’t done that most other people have. So I’m going to waste your time listing a few here just for the fun of it, but also so I don’t go too long without updating the blog.

Things I Have Never Done (and don’t want to):

Have a hangover

Go skydiving

Get a tattoo

Smoke a cigarette

Take hard, illegal drugs

Get into a fistfight

Break a bone

Cheat on my wife

Go to a strip club

Go to Las Vegas to gamble

Buy lottery tickets

Eat a variety of rare meats

Watch a football game from start to finish

Attend a Mariah Carey convention

Binge-watch the Kardashian TV show

Participate in a riot trying to overthrow an election

The most popular memes from VentrelLaugh

I have a Facebook page called “VentrelLaugh” where I share memes and cartoons and jokes that make me laugh. That’s the only criteria. I try to stay away from too much topical stuff and political stuff because I want people to be able to scroll through the page and find funny things that won’t make them wonder what they’re about.

As you may guess if you know me, it emphasizes bad puns and nerdy humor.

And what surprises me sometimes is what things become popular. Some things I think are hilarious hardly get shared while other things become viral.

So here are the top 30 posts from the page, based on how many shares they received.

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#3

#2, with 1077 shares

#1, with 4127 shares (for some reason)

Favorite “They Might Be Giants” animated videos

Two things I love: They Might Be Giants and good animation. So, for no other reason, here are some of my favorite animated videos of TMBG songs (that I could find on YouTube that were in good quality).

Sexy Grammies? Say it ain’t so

Look. There were some sexy things on the Grammy awards show last night that some of my friends here are all upset about.

Oh, like you never knew there were sexy things in music. Like your parents didn’t complain about the exact same thing watching Prince videos. Like your grandparents didn’t want to see Elvis shake his hips.

Should kids see this stuff? On one hand, well, that’s your decision as to how you raise your kids.

On the other hand, your kids probably know how to use the internet better than you. I can pretty much guarantee they’ve seen worse.

Just because it’s not insulting to you doesn’t mean it’s not insulting

There are people on the left and right complaining now because Disney has placed a warning before the Muppet Show telling people that there may be objectionable stereotypes from a TV show from 40 years ago. “There’s nothing in the Muppets that is insulting!” they say.

And, not surprisingly, these people are not the ones who were the target of the stereotypes.

Look, let’s be honest: A lot of humor that was acceptable back then is not today, but when you go “It’s not insulting to me” you sound like the white guys in the 1930s who said “What do you mean I can’t do blackface comedy any more? I don’t see anything wrong with it and neither does my audience!”

As a fan of the Muppets, I’ve been watching the shows and enjoying them, but yeah, I can see how there are some bits that some groups may find objectionable, like an entire show based around an evil gypsy curse, or Johnny Cash performing in front of a Confederate flag, or Jonathan Winters putting on a native American headdress and talking about Injuns and so on.

So what’s wrong with Disney basically saying, “Hey, look, we’re not censoring anything but some of these things may be objectionable, and this is especially important when it’s a show impressionable children may watch”?  Isn’t it a good thing that Disney is saying “We do not endorse these things”?

And it’s not like the Muppets are alone in this by any means, and in fact, they’re probably less likely to have these things in their show given how liberal Jim Henson was. 

So let me once more reiterate that whether it is insulting to you doesn’t matter, because it clearly is to somebody. And if that somebody tells you it is, who are you to argue otherwise? Listen to the experts. If women tell you something is insulting to women, listen to them. If black people tell you they are afraid of police, listen to them. They’re the experts. 

 

The Market and the Cancel Culture

“The market should decide!”

“Okay, the market has decided that it is in their best interest to get rid of Aunt Jemima and actors and commentators who say racist and sexist things that cause our advertisers to leave.”

“Not like that! Cancel culture! How dare the market decide these things!”

The Beatles “Get Back” film looks great!

There were over 50 hours of film recorded during the making of the “Let it Be” album, and the film LET IT BE tended to pick the parts that showed the band arguing instead of having fun with their music. Paul has repeatedly said that the film did not properly represent the group dynamics at the time, and, as someone who has been in a bunch of bands, let me tell you that there are always arguments. That’s just part of the process.

It doesn’t mean we don’t like our fellow band members or that we’re about to break up. I mean, I sometimes argue with my wife and I love her — of course I’m going to argue with my fellow band members.

They weren’t about to break up at that time. After all, after this was done, they worked together to create what I consider to be their greatest (and last) album ABBEY ROAD. Even then, there are recordings from that session where they were discussing what would be their next album after that!

So anyway, Peter Jackson is now recutting a new film from the old footage and he is making sure to show the fun part of making music as well as the arguments that go into arranging a song and deciding who plays what when and so on.

I’m enthusiastically looking forward to this, because as much as I am a Beatles fan, LET IT BE has never been the kind of film I want to watch over and over again. Maybe this one will be.

Best and Worst Animated Films of 2019

Back when I was young, I was happy to see even one new animated film a year. Now there’s practically one a week.

In the 80s, I started a magazine called “Animato!” that later grew quite large and popular. I got to meet and interview great animators like Chuck Jones and Ralph Bakshi but later sold the magazine, and it went on to even bigger successes until the internet killed all magazines.51MKTRQpAhL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_

So I’m still an animation fan, but it’s basically impossible to see all the films and all the animated TV shows these days unless you’re a full-time animator or animation historian, I guess.

There were some really great films this year I did get to catch, though.

These days, with so much CGI, we can debate what an “animated film” even is, but generally the accepted definition is that the main characters must be animated — not just the monsters or effects. (And “motion capture” doesn’t count.)

So here’s my annual end-of-the-year list of best and worst animated films (based on their Rotten Tomatoes score).  It only includes films that actually were released to theaters, even for a day, and had at least five reviews in order to get a Rotten Tomatoes score. (Lots of bad films go directly to DVD or cable.) Ties are broken by number of reviews.

  1. Toy Story 4 (97%)
  2. Klaus (92%)
  3. How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (90%)
  4. Missing Link (89%)
  5. The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part (85%)
  6. Abominable (81%)
  7. Frozen II (77%)
  8. Spies in Disguise (73%)
  9. The Angry Birds Movie 2 (73%)
  10. Lady and the Tramp (65%)
  11. The Secret Life of Pets 2 (59%)
  12. The Lion King (53%)
  13. The Addams Family (43%)
  14. Wonder Park (33%)
  15. Ugly Dolls (28%)
  16. Playmobil (16%)
  17. Arctic Dogs (13%)

Christmas Laughs

“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” – Steven Wright

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

“I played Santa Claus many times, and if you don’t believe it, check out the divorce settlements awarded my wives.” – Groucho Marxgroucho claus

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’” — Dave Barry

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – Dennis Miller

“Christmas is the only religious holiday that is also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” – Samantha Bee 

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.” – W. C. Fields

“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” Guy Endore Kaiser

“Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, ‘Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?’” – Jim Gaffigan

“My grandmother passed away at Christmas time. So now I have this built in sadness every holiday beause I’m plagued with the thought of what she would have given me.” – Laura Knightlinger

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?” – Tom Armstrong

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” Arlo Guthrie

“The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe

“Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it weren’t for Christmas, We’d all be Jewish.” – Benny Hill

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?” – Matt Groening

“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” Sean Hughes

“Christmas is a baby shower that went way overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So guys, that means 16 more days until we start shopping, right?” – Conan O’Brien

“One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis C.K.

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.” – Leslie “Les” Dawson, Jr.

“This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.” – Anthony Jeselnik

“Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!” – Ogden Nash