Nobody for Speaker!

I’m presently in Washington DC as an invited guest panelist at Capclave, a literary science fiction convention, where I am promoting my book “Bloodsuckers: A Vampire Runs for President” (among others).  Late last night, I was on a fun panel wherein the four of us were challenged to improvise a story based on random suggestions of things from the audience. It was great fun.

But since this is DC, some of the suggestions were political — which is fine with me.

cartoon by Mike Luckovich

cartoon by Mike Luckovich

I went first, and the three items I was given were “A hat with free will,” “Diet coke” and “Speaker of the House” — so I began a story about Paul Ryan using Harry Potter’s Sorting Hat to determine whether he should be Speaker and being told that he would have to seek out a hobbit named Robert Reich and go on a quest … the story went downhill from there as each panelist took their turn with three new suggestions, involving the Three Stooges, Santa Claus that only spoke in anagrams, a dragon that thought he was Liberace, and a giant robot with a small potato for a heart who was constantly saying “size doesn’t matter.”

But this was in no way as strange, bizarre, and convoluted as the real story for the Speaker of the House. For the first time in American history, nobody wants this powerful and important position, second in line for the Presidency. This is unprecedented.

The Republican party is in such disarray that no one wants to be captain of the sinking ship. The sinking ship that has a continuous mutiny. While it is sailing in the opposite direction of where it needs to go. With a dangerous cargo that… okay, enough of that metaphor. You get the point.

Oh sure, there are a few that want the position but no one is taking them seriously. None of them have enough support to make a difference, and that’s the key — the party is totally disorganized and can’t get its act together, which is why Boehner wants out in the first place.

As for me and my fellow Democrats? We’re just going sit here in the bleachers and watch the demolition derby. Pass the popcorn!