Top Ten Surprises in the Democratic Debate

10. Sanders, confident of victory or wishing to appeal to the youth vote, lights up a blunt while Hillary is talking

9. Webb arrives wearing a Spider-Man costume, thinking it will help people remember his name

8. Hillary’s face falls off, revealing intricate clockwork mechanismDEBATE

7. Chafee admits that if this doesn’t work, he’ll see which other political parties might accept him

6. Biden strides on stage mid-debate carrying a beer, slaps everyone on the back, and screams “Where’s the party?”

5. Webb and Hillary go mano a mano after a particularly nasty discussion of trade agreements; Webb carried out by EMTs during commercial break

4. O’Malley pretends to be from Massachusetts, then Nevada; finally breaks down crying upon admitting he’s from Maryland

3. Bill Clinton kicked out of the audience when close-up camera reveals him giving Hillary secret messages via his phone; turns out he was playing ‘Angry Birds’

2. Sanders announces his running mates, Ben & Jerry

1. Trump, jealous of all the attention, storms the stage and calls everyone ‘losers’

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