I am not making this up.

Arizona Republicans are doing another ballot count in one of their largest counties, convinced that the election was stolen because of the Big Lie. This ballot count follows previous ones that found zero evidence of ballot fraud, but since these QAnon idiots believe anything, they’re convinced that there is some vast conspiracy out there and they alone can find it.

So one of the things they’re looking for is bamboo.

I am not making this up.

Somehow, some crazy person suggested that the ballots were all forged and sent in from China for some reason and everyone knows that in China, they use bamboo in all of their paper. (No, they don’t.) And of course, there is no bamboo in America. (Yes, there is.)

So the Arizona Republicans, convinced that the Democrats were cheating (in a county where the election board is run by Republicans), demanded another recount. And it’s not going well. The state’s Republican governor has recently had to call in protection for the Secretary of State, who had the gall to declare that the election was fair and who has been receiving death threats for reporting the truth.

So these Republicans, not content to look absolutely foolish before, decided to hire a professional group with lots of experience to oversee the recount. I’m kidding, of course. They hired a group called Cyber Ninjas, who have absolutely no experience in doing this. They’re led by a conspiracy theory nut who is just looking for fraud, and how much you want to bet he’ll find something that will look real to him and that everyone with any brains will laugh at? (This group also has been promoting the theory that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez rigged voting machines so Biden would win, despite the fact that Chavez has been dead since 2013.)

I am not making this up.

Oh, and did I mention that all of this appears to violate federal law?