Biden’s best lines from the Correspondence Dinner

I believe in the First Amendment — not just because my good friend Jimmy Madison wrote it.

I get that age is a completely reasonable issue. It’s on everybody’s mind. And by “everyone” I mean the New York Times.  Headline: “Biden’s advanced age is a big issue. Trump’s, however, is not.”

I want everybody to have fun tonight, but please be safe. If you find yourself disoriented or confused, it’s either you’re drunk or Marjorie Taylor Greene.  

I love NPR — because they whisper into the mic like I do. But not everybody loves NPR.  Elon Musk tweeted that it should be defunded. The best way to make NPR go away is for Elon Musk to buy it.

We really have a record to be proud of.

We added 12 million jobs, and that’s just counting the lawyers who defended Trump.

I had a lot of Ron DeSantis jokes ready, but Mickey Mouse beat the hell out of me and got there first.   

It’s great the cable news networks are here tonight. MSNBC, owned by NBC Universal. Fox News, owned by Dominion Voting Systems. 

Last year, your favorite Fox News reporters were able to attend because they were fully vaccinated and boosted. This year, with that $787 million settlement, they’re here because they couldn’t say no to a free meal.  

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