July 28, 2014 by Michael A. Ventrella

The Best Weird Al Non-Parody Songs

Weird Al just had his first #1 album thanks to a brilliant internet marketing scheme where he posted a brand new video every single day for a week before the album came out.

I was never a huge Weird Al fan like some of my friends, because making up new lyrics for already existing songs is interesting only the first time to me. After that, I’d rather hear the originals again.

However, a while ago, I started noticing the originals he wrote, and especially fell in love with the songs that parodied the style of another artist without copying any specific song. It appealed to me in the same way The Rutles appealed to me with their songs that are almost Beatles songs but not quite (and the fun is in figuring out which bits are from which songs — sort of an “insider joke” treasure hunt).

Weird Al is about my age (and in fact is born on my wife’s birthday) and he grew up listening to the same music I did. We apparently have very similar tastes in music based on the styles he has done. Seriously, this list below is like a greatest list of my favorite music.

Most of these songs are not promoted and are album cuts only, but if you like the bands he is imitating, these can be great fun.

As far as I can see, the only one he ever did a video for was the Devo-inspired “Dare to be Stupid.”

My favorite is this fan-created video for “Virus Alert” done in the style of Sparks, back when they were making good music. (The cartoon even features Sparks keyboard player Ron Mael in a cameo just in case you missed the influence.)

They Might be Giants gets the treatment in “Everything You Know is Wrong.”

Not surprisingly, Weird Al is a huge Frank Zappa fan and in “Genius in France” you can hear bits from some of Zappa’s greatest hits. It even features Zappa’s son playing lead guitar.

Talking Heads get the treatment in “Dog Eat Dog.”

Elvis Costello gets his in “I’m So Sick of You.”

Danny Elfman and Oingo Boingo inspired “You Make Me.”

Then there’s the Police-inspired song “Velvet Elvis.”

And “Mr. Popeil” in the style of the B-52s.

And finally, “I Remember Larry” in the style of Hilly Michaels.

These aren’t all of his style-parody songs, but merely the ones he’s done of the bands I really like. So here’s to Weird Al, the Allen Sherman of the next generation.

Editorial cartoon: Obamacare wrecking ball

July 24, 2014 by Michael A. Ventrella

Why I can no longer vote for Republicans

I’ve voted for Republicans in the past, mostly in local elections. I’ve voted for Republican judges and Republican Clerks of Court and so on, partially because I knew the people personally and partially because in elections like that, ideology doesn’t really matter.

But I just can’t do that any more.

There used to be liberal Republicans and conservative Democrats. Democrats had George Wallace and Republicans had Nelson Rockefeller. I voted for Republican William Weld when I lived in Massachusetts over the more conservative Democrat. But you don’t find that any more. The parties have become distanced by ideology, and that’s one of the reasons we cannot get anything done in Congress.

But mostly, the problem is this: I’m not sure how I could support someone who supports a party that stands for the following:

Discrimination against gays and lesbians
Eliminating the Environmental Protection Agency
Open carrying of firearms and reduction of any gun control laws
Lowering the minimum wage
Opposition to equal pay for women
Tax breaks for billionaires
Reproductive decisions made by government and employers
Deporting of refugee children
Denying of climate change and science
Creationism taught in school
Health care only for those who can afford it
Elimination of unions

If I vote for a Republican Dog Catcher, am I thus supporting someone who believes in discrimination? That thinks my wife is a lesser person who can’t make her own decisions? Who has no sympathy for refugee children running from war and death? Also, why should I help that party at all? Every lower office run by a Republican helps the party raise money for the bigger offices.

And it’s sad that I have to think that way; I prefer reasonable people in both parties who can work things out. (And yes, there are crazy radicals on the left, too, but they don’t run the party — they are on the outskirts, like how the Republicans used to treat their crazies.)

Many of my reasonable conservative friends no longer call themselves Republicans because they cannot agree with the far-right agenda the party now promotes. They still won’t vote for a Democrat, but they also find it tremendously difficult to support the Republicans.

The solution is for reasonable conservatives to take back the party and stand up to these people. And that’s the problem — many Republicans are scared to death of these crazies, and instead of calling them out, they pretend to agree just so they can win elections. That may help them in the primaries, but all that does ultimately is send more potential voters away in the general election.

Editorial cartoon: Ventriloquist (on Ventrellaquest)

July 22, 2014 by Michael A. Ventrella

Hero of the Day

Here’s Texas Governor Rick Perry, heroically defending our border against unarmed children.

He’s so macho, squinting into the sun — too bad he doesn’t have one of those baseball hats that has a rim to keep the sun off his face. He patrolled the border like that for at least ten or fifteen minutes — until the photographer had enough good shots — so you know we won’t be bothered by any refugee kids coming over here, taking our jobs and voting for Democrats all willy-nilly like the election was a pinata. Or something.

Perry knows that we have to stop these kids from coming here because (1) they’re illegals (duh); (2) we can’t just care for every single child that is unwanted (embryos excepted); and (3) Uh. Let’s see. Hm. I can’t remember the third thing.

Oops.

Editorial cartoon: Dead sight

July 21, 2014 by Michael A. Ventrella

Tyrannical Obama tyrannically uses his tyrannical power to tyrannically force gays not to be discriminated against

He’s done it again. Obama has once more used his Super Powers granted to him to ignore the Constitution and tyrannically declare in an Executive Order that anyone doing business with the US government is not allowed to fire people for being gay.

He’s taking away the God-given right of business owners who want to get our taxpayer money for their business to be able to fire taxpayers who just happen to have been born in a way they don’t like for reasons that cannot quite be explained using logic. How tyrannical!

Why, it’s unprecedented that a President would issue an order limiting who the government gives business to! Except of course for all the other times Presidents have done it (such as Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon). Yes, it’s true — we’ve been living in a tyranny for at least 50 years, don’t ya know. Even under Reagan!

This only affects businesses that do business with the federal government so if you want to hate fellow Americans and discriminate against them, you’re just going to have to do that on your own, buddy — because this is a tyranny.

Editorial cartoon: Russian to judgment

July 20, 2014 by Michael A. Ventrella

No, your freedom of speech was not violated

Once more, a contingent of People Who Don’t Understand The Constitution are complaining because it doesn’t mean what they think it means.

Not surprisingly, it’s mostly religious folks, who also don’t understand the Bible either.

This time, it’s a woman who was fired from her job, violating her Freedom of Speech! Or so she says.

A Kentucky bank teller is complaining that her 1st Amendment rights were violated because she was fired for saying “Have a blessed day” to her customers. She also criticized patrons for “taking the Lord’s name in vain” and talked to people about “salvation”.

She was told by her boss to stop that, but she didn’t, because Jeebus demands her to do so or something. And now she’s fired. And whining that her speech and religious rights have been violated.

Well, no. As anyone who understands the first thing about freedoms will tell you. An employer has the right to tell their employees not to discuss religion, or politics, or anything of the sort with the customers, in the same way they can tell you to not wear boxing shorts and tank tops to work.

I certainly wouldn’t want to go to a bank and have the teller tell me “All praise to C’thulu” as I left. Or “Be sure to vote for my candidate!” or “Remember: oral sex is a sin.”

There’s a place for everything, and that is not the place. It’s a business decision.

If the business fired her simply for being a Christian, she would have a wonderful case, because her rights were clearly being violated. For that matter, if the bank fired her for saying any of those things on her own time when she wasn’t working, then I would happily take her case and fight against such a clear violation. But reasonable work rules such as “Don’t piss off our customers” don’t get that kind of protection.

And let’s once more make it clear, since this is one of the biggest mistakes People Who Don’t Understand The Constitution make: The 1st Amendment prevents the government from taking away your freedom of speech. It does not mean that you have the right to say whatever you want at any time and not take criticism for it or never have to face the consequences.