I’m always amazed at people who believe things that are easily proven false simply because their belief better fits into their world view. I’m not just referring to people who deny science, but to all the crazies who believe anything said about Obama. 
It’s gotten so ridiculous that one satirical web page suggested in jest that the pregnant, diabetic woman who almost fainted in the sun while standing behind Obama was planted to get sympathy for the President — only to find right-wing morons actually arguing this on Fox News and other disreputable places. Really, you just can’t make fun of these guys.
The latest one is almost as ridiculous: Obama Wants Marines to Wear “Girly” Hats” screams the New York Post headline. (The Post, of course, is owned by Rupert Murdock, who also owns Fox News and the Wall Street Journal and other media outlets that pretend their biased attacks are “news.”)
Not only did the article insult women Marines (we have those now, guys, remember?) but also the French just to make sure it’s clear that Real Men (which don’t exist in France) wouldn’t ever wear the hat.
As you are no doubt aware, the report is not true and is easily proven to be not true. The Marines themselves clarified that, according to an article in Stars and Stripes. And they obviously pointed out that the President of the United States might have a few more important things to worry about than what hats the Marines wear.
“The president in no way, shape or form directed the Marine Corps to change our uniform cover,” said a Marine Corps spokesperson. “We are looking for a new cover for our female Marines for one overriding reason: The former manufacturer went out of business … The Marine Corps has zero intention of changing the male cover.”
So we should be seeing an apology and a correction any time now on Fox News and in Murdock newspapers, right? Right?
And now, a disclaimer: A few days ago I mistakenly believed that women had to take their husband’s name in Texas. That was my mistake, as I misheard a broadcast. I immediately corrected my mistake and apologized once I realized I was wrong. That’s the difference.
Apparently under Texas’ new Voting Registration law, thousands of names are being removed from the voting rolls because … well, just because. Apparently they have had a total of one case of voter fraud over the past dozen years. That’s not 1%, that’s 1. Clearly, this is a major problem in a state with millions of people.
The latest news is that they are removing women who did not take their husband’s name under Texas law. Yes, you read that right — if you get married in Texas, you have to take your husband’s name. You have no choice in the matter. Your legal name will change even if you continue to call yourself by your maiden name.
And guess what? If you registered under your maiden name, you will no longer be allowed to vote because it’s not your freakin’ legal name any more. It doesn’t matter that the address is the same, the license is the same, your social security number is the same. You can’t vote.
As we can see, this fights voter fraud.
No, wait. No, it doesn’t do that in the slightest. Instead, it stops those women who refuse to take their husband’s name. You know — Democrats.
There was another school shooting, so that can only mean that it’s time once again for America’s favorite pastime! It’s the Gun Control Shuffle!
1. Have a mass shooting
2. Bury the dead and cry.
3. Politicians talk about the need for gun control so this never happens again.
4. Gun manufacturers, through their lobby group the NRA, warns that the government is out to take everyone’s guns.
5. Gun lovers buy lots of guns because they believe the NRA and the right-wing media.
6. Gun manufacturers’ income skyrockets.
7. Gun manufacturers use this money to bribe politicians through their lobby group, the NRA.
8. Despite overwhelming public support, no gun control passes.
9. Another mass shooting occurs.
Repeat every few months.
Note: This originally ran on September 17, 2013, which means we didn’t even have to wait a few months! Let’s see how long we get to go before we do the Shuffle again!
by guest blogger Jesse Hendrix
In the wake of the Republicans setting a world record for synchronized shooting yourself in the foot, Democrats are feeling good about themselves. And why not? Polls show that if the election were held tomorrow, there would be a good chance of them taking the House while keeping the Senate. 
Unfortunately, the election won’t be held tomorrow. There’s a whole year to go. A whole year of dealing with this House. A whole year for the Democrats to screw something up.
In the spirit of my advice to Republicans, here are five rules to help Democrats make the most of a bad situation.
Rule 1. Go big on the budget.
The shutdown-ending deal has set the stage for yet another round of budget talks, which will in all likelihood go up to the last possible second. Treat this as an opportunity. Don’t just try to maintain the current budget levels–the current budget levels suck. Make the argument for more job-creating spending and more tax fairness. Keep hammering the damage austerity has done and make the Republicans own it. When they say “We can’t afford that,” point out the military program we could cut that costs more, or the small tax changes that would pay for it. Anything that costs 24 billion or less should be compared to the economic cost of the shutdown. Republicans are down. Kick them.
Rule 2. Go big on everything.
On the rare occasion that something gets done in Washington, the discussion goes like this: Republicans make a far right proposal, Democrats make a center-left one, and we end up with a center-right compromise. This needs to change. They say “Defund Obamacare” you say “Expand Obamacare.” Then suddenly the compromise is “Maintain Obamacare.”
Since Republicans are blocking everything, you might as well go for the wish list. Push a jobs bill. Push infrastructure spending. Show the public what they would get if they put Democrats in charge of the house and senate. Keep reminding them of the first two years of Obama’s presidency when stuff got done.
Rule 3. Be the reasonable ones.
This follows on from Rule 2. Push for what you really want, but be ready to take what you can get. Practice variations on the following: “We believe that [Strong Liberal Policy] is what is best for the country, but in the interests of bipartisan compromise, we are willing to accept [Weak Liberal Policy]”
Work with any Republicans who are willing. You’ll get more done. As an added bonus, this makes you look good to independents and moderates, while opening the Republican involved to attacks from the right.
Rule 4. Don’t fear the Deficit.
Republicans are going to try to make the discussion all about deficit reduction. This is code for cutting social programs. Do not fall for it. We do not have a short term deficit problem. The deficit is falling faster than Wile E. Coyote holding an anvil. We have a growth problem, and to encourage growth the government needs to invest money. The way you say it matters. Don’t call it “Government Spending.” It’s “Investment in America.”
Rule 5. Don’t do anything stupid.
This is both the most important rule and probably the most difficult to follow, but you have to try. We need to see no dirty tweets, no affairs, no prostitutes, none of it. As Bill Clinton and Anthony Weiner taught us, it only takes one Democrat with a sex scandal to completely distract the media and public from Republican wrongdoing.
So there you have it. Five ways for Democrats to capitalize on Republican self-destruction. You guys have finally been showing some spine, and you need to keep it up. To completely misquote Margaret Thatcher, “Someday the Republicans will be in charge of government again. The Democrats’ job is to hold on until they are sane.”
Jesse Hendrix writes political satire at www.stoptellingliesaboutliberals.com. Questions, comments, good jokes and job offers can be sent to him at jessemhendrix@gmail.com
Governor Christie decided not to challenge the law, and now New Jersey joins the rest of the northeast in granting gays the same rights the rest of us have.
I hate to say “granting” rights or “giving” rights when really, all they are doing is acknowledging rights they should have had all along, but you get the point.
There’s only one state left in the northeast that remains firmly behind the times — my own state of Pennsylvania. You know, where the Declaration of Independence was signed and where the Constitution was ratified. The Birthplace of Liberty and all that.
It’s not going to happen while our Tea Party governor remains in office. The good news is that he is the least popular governor in the United States at the moment, and the top Democrat challengers are all supporters of gay marriage. If we can sweep in enough Democrats in 2014, we could see a big change happen quickly. (If the election were held today, with the GOP’s poll numbers at an all-time low, we’d have a good chance, but anything can happen in a year.)
So congratulations, Jersey! You’ve elected Booker to the Senate. Now just get rid of Christie and some real progress can be made.
ventrellaquest.com 