So here I go!
“If you don’t cut Obamacare, we’ll shut down the government.”
How’s that?
Editorial cartoon of the day
The War on Water
You can’t make this stuff up. What used to be the domain of the Onion is now mainstream news.
Comedians and pundits have constantly said that if Obama supported something, the Republicans would oppose it just because it’s Obama. We’ve seen evidence of it plenty of times — the Republican health care plan was great until Obama endorsed it, and now it’s “Obamacare” and terribly evil. Republicans hate Russia and Putin, except Putin is against Obama so Putin’s a great guy now. Raising the debt ceiling was perfectly fine the many times George W. Bush did it, but when Obama wants it? And don’t get me started on who wants to go to war.
“If Obama came out in favor of drinking water, the Republicans would come out against it!” people joked.
Well, guess what.
Michelle Obama told kids it was important to hydrate and drink plenty of water. You know, the same thing doctors have been saying for years. Pretty non-controversial, one would think.
But no. The conservative crazies’ heads exploded. Rush Limbaugh railed against Big Government telling us we should drink water. Conservative newspapers and bloggers said that her suggestion that water was good for you was “faulty science.” And other critics tried their best to spin her view into something evil and corrupt that they could rail against.
Next up: Obama says oxygen is nice. Conservatives, in protest, stop breathing.
Michelle Obama and her big jugs
Editorial cartoon of the day
The Gun Control Shuffle
America’s favorite pastime!
1. Have a mass shooting
2. Bury the dead and cry.
3. Politicians talk about the need for gun control so this never happens again.
4. Gun manufacturers, through their lobby group the NRA, warns that the government is out to take everyone’s guns.
5. Gun lovers buy lots of guns because they believe the NRA and the right-wing media.
6. Gun manufacturers’ income skyrockets.
7. Gun manufacturers use this money to bribe politicians through their lobby group, the NRA.
8. Despite overwhelming public support, no gun control passes.
9. Another mass shooting occurs.
Repeat every few months
Editorial cartoon of the day
Ho hum, another mass shooting
Yawn.
So what’s new? More people dead? More crazy people with guns causing mass destruction?
Yeah, so? Happens every few months here in the gun-loving United States of America. We used to be shocked by these things and vow to do something about it, but that was then.
We couldn’t even get a law passed that said there should be background checks when 90% of Americans agreed with it after a horrific shooting that left many innocent children dead. What makes anyone think we’re going to do something now?
So let’s all shake our heads about this terrible event and go on to do absolutely nothing to try to do something about it.
Editorial cartoon of the day
If all government services were provided like health care …
by Guest blogger Jesse Hendrix
Bill: I’d like to report a crime! I was just carjacked at gunpoint!
Officer: Certainly sir. Do you have insurance?
Bill: Yes, I have car insurance.
Officer: No, not car insurance. Crime insurance.
Bill: Crime insurance?
Officer: Yes, crime insurance. To pay for the cost of the investigation. You should get it from your employer.
Bill: I work for Walmart.
Officer: So, no insurance then. Right. That will be one hundred dollars to start the investigation, sir.
Bill: One hundred dollars!
Officer: It would only be fifteen if you had insurance.
Bill: But there’s a dangerous maniac on the loose! In my car!
Officer: Dangerous maniacs are expensive to deal with, sir.
Bill: You’re the police! You’re supposed to help everyone!
Officer: We don’t go in for any of that socialist un-American clap-trap in here, sir.
Bill: What?!
Officer: (Stands, patriotic music swells) It’s is the duty of every American to take care of themselves and their families! People who don’t prepare for being victims of crime by buying insurance don’t deserve police protection.
Bill: Look, I just need a police report for my car insurance company.
Officer: (Ignoring him) If we gave free police protection to the poor, who knows what they would ask for next? Food? Healthcare? But we’re compassionate. The uninsured can always go to the emergency desk.
Bill: Emergency desk? Where’s that?
Officer: (Sits, music stops) Well with the budget cuts and all, the nearest one is in Hypothetical Big City.
Bill: That’s thirty miles away. How am I supposed to get there with no car?
Officer: Bus stop is right outside.
(A two hour bus ride, two hours in a waiting room, one hour waiting in a questioning room, fifteen minutes of statement giving, another two hour bus ride, and a week of investigation after that, we find ourselves back in the police station.)
Bill: You said you found my car.
Officer: That’s right, sir. Now there is just the little matter of your bill. (He picks up a phone book sized stack of papers from behind the desk and places it in front of the man.
Bill: (flipping through it) $15,000? That’s outrageous!
Officer: Quality costs, sir. We set up road blocks, questioned suspects, consulted with the FBI, brought in the spy satellites…
Bill: And is that how you found my car?
Officer: Yes, and by “Yes” I mean “No.” We found it abandoned on the highway. Two days after your report.
Bill: Then what was all that other stuff for?
Officer: Better safe than sorry, sir.
Bill: Did you at least catch the man that stole it?
Officer: That would have been extra, sir.
Bill: (flipping through the bill) What’s this? $500 for guns! Did you even use them?
Officer: Got to have guns, sir. You never know what could happen.
Bill: Another hundred for bullets … gas for police cars … mileage … uniforms! Don’t you already have those?
Officer: Got to pay for them somehow sir. Look, sir. Our financial office will be happy to work out an arrangement where you pay a large bill every month for the rest of your life, with complementary threatening phone calls every hour should you miss a payment.
Bill: This is outrageous!
Officer: Beats the alternative, sir. You wouldn’t want socialized law enforcement.
Jesse Hendrix is a writer whose blog is located here.
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