Chuck Schumer: Why is Mississippi banning voting on Sundays?
Republican Senator Hyde-Smith of Mississippi: Because Sunday is the Sabbath! We have to keep it holy! It says so in Exodus.
Schumer (highest ranking, most visible Jewish person in government): Oh, Exodus? Which is in the Old Testament, referring to the Jewish sabbath? Which is on Saturday? That Exodus?
(Clarification: Hyde-Smith really did say this, but Schumer’s comment was made up by me. I’ll bet he was thinking it, though)
In my Constitution book, I argued for DC to become part of Maryland so that they could get representation in the Senate and Congress. But I overlooked something.
The District of Columbia was set up as a neutral place halfway between the 13 states where the federal government could exist free from any interference from any state. Of course, no one predicted at the time that it would grow to have more people in it than some smaller states.
Originally, it was a 10 mile square, with part of it on the Virginia side of the Potomac, but that side eventually was given to Virginia and became Arlington.
Since the District is in the Constitution (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 17), I said you would need a Constitutional Amendment to change that and make it a state. After all, you needed an amendment to give them Electoral Votes (The 23rd). And if you wanted to make DC a state, you’d have to basically get rid of Article 1, Section 8, Clause 17.
But it was pointed out recently that no, you don’t.
You see, nowhere in the Constitution does it say where the District would be located, and the only reference to the size of the district is a maximum limit of 10 miles square). So some are saying the simplest solution is to redefine the District’s area to only include the federal buildings: The Capitol, White House, Supreme Court building, the Smithsonian, and the various federal office buildings that no one lives in. The rest can become a brand new state.
This is a great idea, and doesn’t need an amendment, which has very little chance of getting 3/4ths of the states to agree to (especially since, let’s face it, we’ll end up with two new Senators who will most likely be Democrats and black — no Republican state wants that).
Of course, we could still make it part of Maryland. They’d get at least a few members in the House of Representatives.
But I like the state idea. And you only need a simple majority to pass it.
And while you’re at it, add Puerto Rico, which has a larger population than 20 other states. 52 stars is much easier to fit on a flag than 51.
Look. There were some sexy things on the Grammy awards show last night that some of my friends here are all upset about.
Oh, like you never knew there were sexy things in music. Like your parents didn’t complain about the exact same thing watching Prince videos. Like your grandparents didn’t want to see Elvis shake his hips.
Should kids see this stuff? On one hand, well, that’s your decision as to how you raise your kids.
On the other hand, your kids probably know how to use the internet better than you. I can pretty much guarantee they’ve seen worse.
There are people on the left and right complaining now because Disney has placed a warning before the Muppet Show telling people that there may be objectionable stereotypes from a TV show from 40 years ago. “There’s nothing in the Muppets that is insulting!” they say.
And, not surprisingly, these people are not the ones who were the target of the stereotypes.
Look, let’s be honest: A lot of humor that was acceptable back then is not today, but when you go “It’s not insulting to me” you sound like the white guys in the 1930s who said “What do you mean I can’t do blackface comedy any more? 
I don’t see anything wrong with it and neither does my audience!”
As a fan of the Muppets, I’ve been watching the shows and enjoying them, but yeah, I can see how there are some bits that some groups may find objectionable, like an entire show based around an evil gypsy curse, or Johnny Cash performing in front of a Confederate flag, or Jonathan Winters putting on a native American headdress and talking about Injuns and so on.
So what’s wrong with Disney basically saying, “Hey, look, we’re not censoring anything but some of these things may be objectionable, and this is especially important when it’s a show impressionable children may watch”? Isn’t it a good thing that Disney is saying “We do not endorse these things”?
And it’s not like the Muppets are alone in this by any means, and in fact, they’re probably less likely to have these things in their show given how liberal Jim Henson was.
So let me once more reiterate that whether it is insulting to you doesn’t matter, because it clearly is to somebody. And if that somebody tells you it is, who are you to argue otherwise? Listen to the experts. If women tell you something is insulting to women, listen to them. If black people tell you they are afraid of police, listen to them. They’re the experts.
To those conservatives I’ve seen posting things like “You liberals who are happy that Rush is dead are just full of hate!”:
Rush Limbaugh hated gays. He hated Mexicans, and blacks, and women. He hated liberals. He hated Muslims and atheists and anyone who wasn’t his version of “Christianity.” He hated everyone except rich white men like himself.
We liberals hate people who hate. We don’t hate people based on things they have no control over, such as all the things I mentioned above.
It’s okay to hate assholes, because nobody was born an asshole.
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