Hillary’s zingers

You ever notice how there aren’t many funny conservatives?  There’s no equivalent to the Daily Show or John Oliver’s show or Stephen Colbert…

Why that is is a subject for another column, though. I just wanted to point out that the liberals tend to have the better comedians, and some of them have clearly written some wonderful jokes for Hillary Clinton.

Last night, at the Alfred E. Smith dinner in New York — an annual tradition where politicians kind of roast each other — Hillary got some great lines in. Trump, on the other hand, was mostly just mean and was even booed with some of his lines. (He even, at one point, looked at his script and made a comment about how poor his jokes were, as if he had not even read them until that point.)

Anyway, check out some of these zingers:

There are a lot of friendly faces here in this room, people I’ve been privileged to know and work with. I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables.

And you look so good in your tuxes — or as I refer to them, formal pantsuits.

Donald, after listening to your speech, I will enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it.

People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a four. Maybe a five, if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.

Now, you notice, there is no teleprompter here tonight, which is probably smart, because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And I get that. They’re hard to keep up with, and I’m sure it’s even harder when you’re translating from the original Russian.

Donald really is as healthy as a horse. You know, the one Vladimir Putin rides around on.

Sharing a stage with Donald Trump is like, well, nothing really comes to mind. There is nothing like sharing a stage with Donald Trump.

I think the good news is that the debates finally allowed Republicans to unite around their candidate. The bad news is, it’s Mike Pence.

And whoever wins this election, the outcome will be historic. We’ll either have the first female president or the first president who started a Twitter war with Cher.

if Donald does win, it will be awkward at the annual presidents’ day photo when all the former presidents gather at the White House, and not just with Bill. How is Barack going to get past the Muslim ban?

I said no to some jokes that I thought were over the line, but I suppose you can judge for yourself on WikiLeaks in the next few days.

 

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