The prequels that do not exist

If you’re about to show the Star Wars movie to some kid who has never seen them, for God’s sake, start with Episode 4: A New Hope. Don’t ruin it for the poor tyke.

I can’t stand the prequels and like to pretend they never exist. Oh, sure, if it was just those three, it would be an acceptable trilogy, no better than many other space operas. But the fact is that they ruin the original trilogy’s storyline in so many ways as to make me pull my hair out.star-wars-poster-700x1068

If you watch the films in order, you’re sure to ask:

What’s the big deal about the line “Luke, I am your father”?  So what, I knew that all along. 

Why doesn’t C3PO tell Luke who his father is? For that matter, why doesn’t Obi-Wan recognize the droids (and vice versa)?

How could Luke be “hidden” in plain sight on Anakin’s home planet with his relatives and not been found?

And how did Obi-Wan age so much in the twenty years or so between trilogies?

Why did Leia say she knew her mother in Return of the Jedi when her mother died in childbirth?

For that matter, why did Obi-wan have to be reminded by Yoda that there was “another”? He already knew about Leia, right? 

If midi-chlorians are in the bloodstream, then why don’t people just do blood transfusions so everyone can have these powers?  Surely the Empire would have thought of that by now.

Look, maybe I’m pickier about these kinds of things because story is most important to me (says the guy who writes novels). I’ve never been impressed by mere special effects and cool battle scenes without some connection to the characters and the plotline.

So between the unlikable characters and the contradictory plots in the prequels, you can see why I tell everyone THEY DON’T EXIST.  Because otherwise, they just ruin my enjoyment of the original series.

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7 thoughts on “The prequels that do not exist

  1. “There is another.”
    That line was written as a backup in case Mark Hamill did something stupid again like get in another near-fatal car crash. That crash was why the first thing we saw in EMPIRE was Luke getting struck in the face. Hadda explain why Luke looked different.
    My fave speculation on “The Other” was the third film would reveal Luke’s mother, a Jedi to be played by DIANA RIGG.
    …oh, it would have been glorious…
    As is, as we walked out of RETURN OF THE JEDI opening night, past the theater-surrounding line of moviegoers, I could not resist “casually exclaiming” to my companions “Wow, who’d’a thought The Other would be Diana Rigg as Luke’s mother!” Then I shut up and listened to the wave of startled conversations I’d left in my wake… Managed not to laugh, too.

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  2. For the record, after Luke and Leia are born, Organa says to wipe 3PO’S memory but leaves R2’s in tact. R2 is the asshole that doesn’t tell Luke about things.

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  3. Pingback: Beginnings – Liatach.net

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