As a criminal defense attorney, I have literally had variations of all these things said to me over the years:

1. I’m looking for a cheap lawyer.

2. I want a real lawyer, not a public defender.

3. I’ve had three other lawyers on this case and I’ve fired them all but I want to hire you now.

4. I’m just looking for someone to do my case pro bono; I don’t want to have to pay anything.

5. I need a lawyer because the government is out to get me ever since they planted the listening devices in my head.

6. I’m paying you, so you do exactly what I tell you to do.

7. I spoke to the other inmates, and they told me that the District Attorney and my Public Defender are both wrong about what the law says.

8. If I pay you extra, can you make this go away?

9. If you lose, do I get my money back?