It’s always nice when people say that I do not look my age. When they ask me why, I say, “no children.”

While there is a grain of truth in that, I think the real reason is slightly more complicated.

First: Genetics. Never underestimate the power of your parents. Whether you are short, tall, fat, slim, good-looking or ugly has an awful lot to do with your genes. Those people in the commercials who tell you that if you just followed their exercise regimen or ate their health food that you would look just like them are lying. In many ways, you can no more control these things than you can control whether you are male or female, straight or gay.

My grandmother on my mother’s side lived to be almost 99 years old, and my mother is currently doing fine in her 80s. There must be something there that has benefited me. Now if only I could have been tall and handsome…

So let’s look to the second factor: exercise. This is very important, and is something I just don’t do. I know, I know, these are supposed to be my advice columns, my life lessons. Just because I have these life lessons doesn’t mean I’m very good at following them. I really should exercise more. Like any.

The third factor, though, is something else: diet. What you put into your body can affect your body greatly. People who would never consider putting kerosene in their car have no problem downing greasy hamburgers washed down with a soda …

I’ve been a pescatarian since 1976, but I never heard the term pescatarian until a few years ago (that’s someone who eats fish but no other meat). The reason is two-fold: First, as a kind of boycott against factory farms and the cruel treatment of the animals there; but also for my health.

My wife and I try to never buy food in cans. We have salad about every other day, fish twice a week, and buy fresh fruit and vegetables for our meals.

The problem with eating well, though, is that it is expensive. Because of subsidies, the bad food is cheaper than the good food, which is one of the reasons there are so many overweight people in America today; the bad food is also fattening.

Taking care of what you put in your body also includes things like sodas, which have no nutritional value at all and are very bad for you, and of course all sorts of unwanted drugs.

You have to be an informed consumer for this to work well. Never trust any packaging; they all lie. There are so many things that advertise themselves as being healthy that are anything but, and you’ll be paying more for this packaging because what you get is still crap. Read the ingredients and compare and you may be shocked at how the package with the happy farmer is actually just as full of chemicals as the brand name product (and, if you look real close, you’ll discover that it’s probably made by the brand name company, too).

And “natural” doesn’t mean “good for you”. Arsenic is “natural.”

I’ve rambled a bit here, but I think the life lesson from this is “take care of your body; It’s the only one you have.”

(This is a repost from my writing blog)

I recently read an article that spoke of the three elements needed for success in any field, and it struck me as a wonderful summation. You need all three of these in varying degrees if you want to get anywhere.

The three things are talent, hard work, and — here’s the one people don’t always realize — meeting the right people and impressing them.

Talent is obvious, right? But that alone will get you nowhere. People who are less talented than you have become successful, and people more talented than you are still waiting tables and wondering why no one has discovered them yet.

Talent is a mixture of what you are born with and the skills you acquire. You need both. You may have a great ear for music but it won’t get you anywhere until you practice your instrument to the point where you can produce the music you hear in your head. Having great story ideas won’t get you far if you lack the basic writing skills to express them.

Which leads us to the next element: Hard work.

Almost every single person who has made themselves successful has been obsessive about their work. It’s practically all they do. They spend every day working on their craft and, of course, the more they do, the better they get.

Here’s the key: You have to love your work for this to happen. If you love it, it doesn’t seem like work.

This one has kind of been my downfall — I love a lot of things and over the years, I tried to do them all instead of concentrating on one.

When I was in college, for instance, my band meant the world to me. I loved playing, practicing, writing songs, and performing. And we got pretty good, too. We played all the big clubs in Richmond, Virginia and had a bit of a following. But we never made it. We were talented and we worked hard, but we lacked that final element.

We didn’t meet the right people and impress them. It didn’t even occur to us that we should be working on that. (Hey, we were young.)

Part of the problem was that we were in Richmond. You can only go so far in Richmond, which lacks major record labels, agents, and the connections we needed. No one was going to “discover” us there.

You have to go to the places where people who can make a difference to you live. If you want to be a successful actor, get yourself to New York or Los Angeles. Want a career in politics? Move to Washington. Computers? Perhaps Seattle.

Things are different these days than when I was in college. With the internet, it’s a lot easier to meet the right people and impress them. But even so, it is much better to be in a major city that can give you the personal touch needed to make the final sale.

In my writing career, I’ve learned how important this third point is. I’ve attended writer’s conferences, networked with other authors and agents, spoken at conventions, and have tried my best to keep myself in the loop. And it has helped me tremendously. I’ve learned things from these people I would not have discovered on my own, and my writing has improved. And the people I have met in person are much more likely to help me than those I have only talked to online.

More importantly, these people have introduced me to others who have helped my career. I’ve built relationships that will serve me when I try to sell my next novel. I’ve met the right people, and (hopefully) have impressed them.

Oh, I may not have impressed them with my writing skills (yet!) but I hopefully have given them the image of me as a professional with whom they can work; that I am someone who is reliable, meets deadlines, and completes tasks given.

You want the people you meet to know that you have something to offer them in exchange; that you can help their career, too.

These three elements need to be present if you want success. They do not have to be equal — if you meet the right people, for instance, you don’t need as much talent, which is the only way to explain Paris Hilton or the cast of the Jersey Shore. And if you are so talented that you cannot be ignored, the right people may come looking for you.

But don’t ignore any one of these elements, because if you do, you’re never going anywhere.

Today is my 55th birthday. I’m now closer to 60 than to 50. That’s a scary thought, especially when I consider where I thought I’d be at this point in my life.

There are paths I chose in my life that, in retrospect, I wish I had not. But on this trip around the sun, I think I’ll spend the next few blog posts talking about what I’ve learned over the years, and my basic philosophy that I’ve tried to follow all these years.

When I was in High School, I thought I’d be a famous songwriter in a band when I was older. Or a politician. Or an actor. I had so many things I wanted to do. I was sure that by the time I was 55, I’d be rich and famous … but then, a lot of kids think that, don’t they?

So let’s start with this: Try not to have big regrets.

Act on your dreams. No one was ever on their death bed saying, “I’m so glad I never tried to accomplish that dream of mine!”

I’ve done a lot of different things in my life. I’ve been successful at some, and not so much at others.

When I was a kid, I decided I wanted to be an actor. So my mom took me to community theater, and I passed auditions and was in a number of plays. (I continued on through High School.)

Then I wanted to be a cartoonist. I ended up drawing comics for my school newspapers through law school.

I thought it would be great to be in a band, so I taught myself guitar, bass and piano. I played in many bands and still do from time to time.

In High School, I decided to start an “underground” newspaper. It became quite popular, although it was more like Mad Magazine than a real newspaper. (I continued to write for the college and law school papers and later did a column for the Allston-Brighton Item.)

Then I said, “I should write a musical comedy.” I did, and the High School drama coach liked it. The school put it on. It was held over an extra week and got good reviews from the local paper.

In College, I decided to run for the student government and received the highest number of votes of any candidate, and was later awarded the college’s Student Service Award in my senior year.

Then I decided to go to law school, mostly because I was interested in politics. I became involved with the Massachusetts chapter of Americans for Democratic Action and ended up as their President for a year. I also worked as a lobbyist, and was campaign manager for a state representative for a summer.

After law school, I said, “There should be a magazine for animated films,” and started Animato!, which later grew into a real magazine carried in book stores everywhere.

Then I joined up with some friends and began one of the first live-action fantasy medieval roleplaying games in America. I later broke away and started the Alliance LARP, which now has been running for more than 20 years. I have chapters all over the United States and Canada, and the Discovery channel recently did a documentary about us.

I recently decided I wanted to write fiction, and I have published two novels and six short stories (no, they’re not self-published) as well as edited two anthologies. I’m trying to get an agent for the third novel while working on the fourth.

Now, were all of these things successful? No. I tried to make a living at the LARP but ended up living in poverty for a few years. My books are not best-sellers. My bands may have played all the big clubs but we never got a record deal. I gave up on the cartooning and never pursued the acting.

I’ve had regrets about life, just like everyone. But they are rarely of the “I wish I had tried that” variety.

And that’s today’s lesson: Take control and make things happen in your life. There is no “Life Fairy” who will come along, point a magic wand, and make all your dreams come true. Sitting around and watching TV won’t get you anywhere. Get off your butt and do something. Make something of your life.

Make sure that when you’re on your death bed, you have no big regrets.