Editorial cartoon of the day

Happy Thanksgiving

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” – Jon Stewart

“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” – Michael Dresser

“Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.” – Dave Berry

“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” – Johnny Carson

“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” – Stephen Colbert

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” – Erma Bombeck

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” – Phyllis Diller

“My mother won’t celebrate Thanksgiving. She says it represents the white man stealing our land. But she’s not angry, she figures, ‘What the hell, we’re taking it back one casino at a time.” – Larry Omaha

“Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'” – Jim Gaiffigan

“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” – Kevin James

“Here I am 5 o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt.” – Roseanne Barr


In defense of Wal-Mart

No, I’m not forgiving them for paying their employees minimum wage when they could easily pay them $11 an hour and give them all health insurance and still make a hefty profit.    Not only would that be the right thing to do, it would also help the economy (money trickles up, after all — if people have money, they spend it.  Amazing, but true).   Instead, Wal-Mart admits their employees are basically living in poverty, and some stores are even holding food donation drives for the employees.  o-FOOD-BANK-570

However, instead of criticizing them for that (which is well deserved), today I want to defend them against the “closing on Thanksgiving” thing.  There is a boycott proposed against them (and other stores) for making their employees work on Thursday.

Lots of places are still open on Thanksgiving, because we the people want them to be open.  Someone always remembers a last minute thing they need and they run down to the grocery store and are happy when it’s there.  (Remember:  Wal-Mart has groceries, too.)  Many gas stations remain open (which you will be thankful for when you get halfway to grandma’s and realize the tank is empty).  And of course, some people never get holidays off (hospital workers, police, emergency services).

But really, we’re the ones to blame.  If we didn’t create the demand, they wouldn’t be filling it.

So the protests I see now asking people not to shop on Thanksgiving are good — because it puts the onus on us.  We’re the ones ultimately responsible for stores opening on holidays and at 12 am on Black Friday and so on.

Of course, one of the reasons for the protests is that Wal-Mart treats their employees terrible.  If they paid them well and gave them overtime for working holidays, you probably wouldn’t be seeing these protests.  So while we can blame ourselves for wanting these places open, we also need to keep in mind that the companies themselves can soften the blow to the point where employees will want to work on the holidays for all the extra benefits and money.