How to Defeat ISIS by Donald Trump

For many years now, ISIS and other similar radical Islamic groups have caused problems for the world. But Donald Trump knows how to deal with them. When asked recently what to do, he made a bold promise:


“Me have plan. Plan good. Me solve problem.”

“I will convene my top generals and give them a simple instruction to, in 30 days, submit to the Oval Office a plan for soundly and quickly defeating ISIS.”

“Of course!” the generals said, slapping their foreheads like David Byrne. “A plan! Why didn’t we think of that?”

Donald Trump knows more about ISIS than the generals. We know this because he told us so. (“Believe me.”)

“It’s why we no longer have to give him national security briefings as a candidate,” stated a White House spokesperson. “Instead, we just listen to him, since he knows more about it than those of us in the military and intelligence community who have dedicated our lives to just this thing.”

The White House and the generals assembled were pleased for the guidance Trump was providing. “A plan!” they said. “Dammit. If only we had considered that years ago.”