Trump’s Diary

Dear Diary,

I hate this job. I never thought they’d give it to me in the first place. I mean, I just asked for it because I love the attention and thought it would help business bigly. And then I won. You should have seen Melania’s face. I thought she’d hit me.

So I’ve been trying to get out of it somehow. If I resigned they’d all call me a loser so I can’t do that, so I need them to impeach me.Trump_Mueller_QuestionsIf they do that, I can say it was a witch hunt and that way it’s not my fault. I can keep on having big rallies, the biggest ever, the biggest the country has ever seen, and I won’t have to deal with stupid people telling me all the time what I can’t do.

So I keep doing stuff to get me impeached but they just won’t do it. I mean, come on, I’ve broken how many laws already? And then I admit it publicly and brag about it?

Just yesterday I announced we’d have the G7 meeting at one of my hotels which is not only illegal but clearly against the Constitution, too.

What more do I gotta do?

Anyway, gotta go. Haven’t tweeted in fifteen minutes.