Trump: “I like to brag about grabbing pussies against their will and walking into underage girls’ dressing rooms. And I don’t apologize for it.”

GOP: “What a guy! Let’s elect him our leader!”

Franken: “I posed for a funny picture where I pretended to grope a sleeping woman. There were witnesses, a photographer, and I’m clearly doing it for humorous effect. I apologize completely for my crude actions, and hope everyone will forgive me for this.”