Author: Michael A. Ventrella

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Judge Enforces Sharia Law in America

An activist radical Muslim judge here in America has just used his religious views to force a defendant into an arranged marriage as well as demand that the defendant write out verses from the Quran as punishment.

“Get married within 30 days or do 15 days in jail” was the Judge’s Order.sharialaw1

The bride who was forced into this arrangement was quite unhappy with this as well, complaining that while she might have been willing to marry the man, they would never be able to have a nice wedding like she had hoped. The Judge didn’t care.

The Judge used his Muslim religion to force the man to read the Quran as well.

This is Sharia Law at its worst; it’s exactly what we were told would happen when we allow the government to force religion on us, and all good Christians — nay, all good Americans should be outraged.

No. Wait.

I’m sorry. I got a fact wrong.

The Judge was a Christian and he made the man copy verses from the Bible instead.

Well, surely all Christians should be just as outraged by this, right? If it’s wrong for the government to endorse one religion, it’s wrong for another as well, isn’t it?

(Insert sounds of crickets chirping and visual of tumbleweed rolling across an empty plain)

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Editorial cartoon: Not again

Glenn McCoy

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Er, um, uh

I’ve done my best to try to have a post a day (two if you count the editorial cartoons) but this week has just been bad. It’s been days since I posted anything. Is it summer that causes this? Is it my birthday celebrations that make me depressed about being old? Is it the move to my new office that has exhausted me? Is it the fact that every time I want to write something, there’s just nothing new to say about the clowns running for the GOP nomination who are debating tonight?

Tell me you wouldn't rather be sitting by this creek reading a book right now.

Tell me you wouldn’t rather be sitting by this creek reading a book right now.

A little bit of “all of the above.”

I dunno, I just can’t seem to find the energy to get excited about anything right now. Mostly when I get home from work, I just want to sit by the creek and read something light. (At this moment it’s Christopher Moore’s “Practical Demonkeeping.”)

But yet, people are asking me to blog about the debates, or tweet my comments.  I appreciate it. I really do. It’s nice to see that there are people out there who enjoy this blog and look forward to it. It means an awful lot to me. Thanks.

But not right now. Maybe in a day or so. I just don’t have anything interesting to say right now.

So instead, here’s one of my favorite bad jokes.

I was conducting the orchestra, unaware that the upright bassists had been drinking. We were performing Beethoven’s Ninth, and about halfway through, they were so drunk that they kept knocking the music off the stands and we had to attach it back with string. Then, suddenly, two of the bassists fainted dead away.

So there I was, in the bottom of the Ninth, with the score tied, the bassists loaded, and two out.

Thank you, thank you. Be sure to tip your waitress.*

 

*an inside joke for those who have read my first novel “Arch Enemies.”

 

 

 

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Editorial cartoon: Translate to “Republican”

Darrin Bell

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The Real Reason there are So Many Republican Candidates (Hint: $$$)

A few weeks ago, I speculated as to why there were so many declared candidates for the Republican nomination. Seriously, there have never been this many in the history of our country. Never. What is different about this year?

The answer is, of course, money.DC-Misc-Cartoon-Simpsons-Quimby-w-Money-Bag

Previously, there were laws limiting how much money an individual could contribute to a campaign. In order to run a legitimate campaign, you’d need lots of money from lots of different people. If you couldn’t raise that, you just couldn’t compete.

Now, thanks to the Supreme Court handing our democracy over the super rich (in the Citizen’s United case), there is no limit.

And now we’re seeing the result of that terrible decision. You no longer need to appeal to a broad base of supporters to be a legitimate candidate. One billionaire with enough money can keep your campaign going.

They’re buying the election. A very small percentage of Americans are choosing their candidates, betting on their favorite to win. Those who are trying to appeal to a larger segment have to work twice as hard.

And so what happens? You got it — the candidates say whatever the billionaires buying them want them to say. No need to try to get the support of the majority of Republican voters. All you need is Sheldon Adelson or the Koch Brothers to like you and you’re in.

So you can suck it up and just admit we are now living in an oligarchy instead of a democracy…

Or you could fight to elect a Democrat who will hopefully be able to change one vote on the Supreme Court to reverse that awful decision, or even convince enough states to pass an amendment saying “money is not speech.”

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Editorial cartoon: Advice conservatives never give themselves

Jen Sorensen

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Which Republican candidate would be the best?

And by “best” I don’t mean “best President” or “best to allow Democrats to win”. clown car I mean seriously, which of this huge list of losers candidates do you think would have the best chance to actually win the election?

“None of the above” is not an accepted answer!

By the way, every one of these people on the list below has declared themselves as a candidate, and they’re not the only ones. There’s like a dozen more, mostly businessmen and Christian religious leaders.

I chose Scott Walker. While I can’t stand his politics, he doesn’t seem as crazy as the others, and he also is not a Bush. Of course, it is way too early to make any sort of prediction, but it’s still fun to speculate.

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Editorial cartoon: The Bernie Train

Matt Wuerker

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Republican Mad Science! Mad, I Tell You!

“I’m not a scientist” is what Republicans use as an excuse to be stupid about science they don’t like for political reasons only, and this ad ridiculing them is absolutely perfect. You must watch.

Of course, the only time they use that excuse is to deny climate change or evolution. When it comes to abortion and the question of when life begins, not one of them ever refuses to take a position there, claiming they are “not a scientist.”

Cudos to the Clinton campaign for this ad.

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Editorial cartoon: God has called me to run

Phil Hands