Author: Michael A. Ventrella

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Shocking News: Pope Reads Bible

In a stunning announcement, the Pope revealed today that he has broken with longstanding Catholic tradition and has done the unthinkable. He has read the Bible.

“I have reviewed the teachings of Jesus thoroughly,” he said to gasps, “and I can’t find anything in there about hating gays, being against abortion, or disallowing contraception. There is, however, quite a bit about how the rich cannot get into heaven and how we should be doing everything in our power to help the poor and downtrodden.”

Numerous conservative politicians have spoken out against His Holiness, with one stating, “What in the world is he doing reading the Bible? You don’t need to read the Bible to know what it says! Look at me — I’ve never read the Constitution, and I know it says that this is a Christian nation.”

Editorial cartoon of the day

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It’s Talk Like a Pirate day!

So here I go!

“If you don’t cut Obamacare, we’ll shut down the government.”

How’s that?

Editorial cartoon of the day

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The War on Water

You can’t make this stuff up. What used to be the domain of the Onion is now mainstream news.

Comedians and pundits have constantly said that if Obama supported something, the Republicans would oppose it just because it’s Obama. We’ve seen evidence of it plenty of times — the Republican health care plan was great until Obama endorsed it, and now it’s “Obamacare” and terribly evil. Republicans hate Russia and Putin, except Putin is against Obama so Putin’s a great guy now. Raising the debt ceiling was perfectly fine the many times George W. Bush did it, but when Obama wants it? And don’t get me started on who wants to go to war.

“If Obama came out in favor of drinking water, the Republicans would come out against it!” people joked.

Well, guess what.

Michelle Obama told kids it was important to hydrate and drink plenty of water. You know, the same thing doctors have been saying for years. Pretty non-controversial, one would think.

But no. The conservative crazies’ heads exploded. Rush Limbaugh railed against Big Government telling us we should drink water. Conservative newspapers and bloggers said that her suggestion that water was good for you was “faulty science.” And other critics tried their best to spin her view into something evil and corrupt that they could rail against.

Next up: Obama says oxygen is nice. Conservatives, in protest, stop breathing.

Michelle Obama and her big jugs

Michelle Obama and her big jugs

Editorial cartoon of the day

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The Gun Control Shuffle

America’s favorite pastime!

1. Have a mass shooting

2. Bury the dead and cry.

3. Politicians talk about the need for gun control so this never happens again.

4. Gun manufacturers, through their lobby group the NRA, warns that the government is out to take everyone’s guns.

5. Gun lovers buy lots of guns because they believe the NRA and the right-wing media.

6. Gun manufacturers’ income skyrockets.

7. Gun manufacturers use this money to bribe politicians through their lobby group, the NRA.

8. Despite overwhelming public support, no gun control passes.

9. Another mass shooting occurs.

Repeat every few months

Editorial cartoon of the day

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Ho hum, another mass shooting

Yawn.

So what’s new? More people dead? More crazy people with guns causing mass destruction?

Yeah, so? Happens every few months here in the gun-loving United States of America. We used to be shocked by these things and vow to do something about it, but that was then.

We couldn’t even get a law passed that said there should be background checks when 90% of Americans agreed with it after a horrific shooting that left many innocent children dead. What makes anyone think we’re going to do something now?

So let’s all shake our heads about this terrible event and go on to do absolutely nothing to try to do something about it.

Editorial cartoon of the day