Author: Michael A. Ventrella

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If all government services were provided like health care …

by Guest blogger Jesse Hendrix

Bill: I’d like to report a crime! I was just carjacked at gunpoint!

Officer: Certainly sir. Do you have insurance?

Bill: Yes, I have car insurance.

Officer: No, not car insurance. Crime insurance.

Bill: Crime insurance?

Officer: Yes, crime insurance. To pay for the cost of the investigation. You should get it from your employer.

Bill: I work for Walmart.

Officer: So, no insurance then. Right. That will be one hundred dollars to start the investigation, sir.

Bill: One hundred dollars!

Officer: It would only be fifteen if you had insurance.

Bill: But there’s a dangerous maniac on the loose! In my car!

Officer: Dangerous maniacs are expensive to deal with, sir.

Bill: You’re the police! You’re supposed to help everyone!

Officer: We don’t go in for any of that socialist un-American clap-trap in here, sir.

Bill: What?!

Officer: (Stands, patriotic music swells) It’s is the duty of every American to take care of themselves and their families! People who don’t prepare for being victims of crime by buying insurance don’t deserve police protection.

Bill: Look, I just need a police report for my car insurance company.

Officer: (Ignoring him) If we gave free police protection to the poor, who knows what they would ask for next? Food? Healthcare? But we’re compassionate. The uninsured can always go to the emergency desk.

Bill: Emergency desk? Where’s that?

Officer: (Sits, music stops) Well with the budget cuts and all, the nearest one is in Hypothetical Big City.

Bill: That’s thirty miles away. How am I supposed to get there with no car?

Officer: Bus stop is right outside.

(A two hour bus ride, two hours in a waiting room, one hour waiting in a questioning room, fifteen minutes of statement giving, another two hour bus ride, and a week of investigation after that, we find ourselves back in the police station.)

Bill: You said you found my car.

Officer: That’s right, sir. Now there is just the little matter of your bill. (He picks up a phone book sized stack of papers from behind the desk and places it in front of the man.

Bill: (flipping through it) $15,000? That’s outrageous!

Officer: Quality costs, sir. We set up road blocks, questioned suspects, consulted with the FBI, brought in the spy satellites…

Bill: And is that how you found my car?

Officer: Yes, and by “Yes” I mean “No.” We found it abandoned on the highway. Two days after your report.

Bill: Then what was all that other stuff for?

Officer: Better safe than sorry, sir.

Bill: Did you at least catch the man that stole it?

Officer: That would have been extra, sir.

Bill: (flipping through the bill) What’s this? $500 for guns! Did you even use them?

Officer: Got to have guns, sir. You never know what could happen.

Bill: Another hundred for bullets … gas for police cars … mileage … uniforms! Don’t you already have those?

Officer: Got to pay for them somehow sir. Look, sir. Our financial office will be happy to work out an arrangement where you pay a large bill every month for the rest of your life, with complementary threatening phone calls every hour should you miss a payment.

Bill: This is outrageous!

Officer: Beats the alternative, sir. You wouldn’t want socialized law enforcement.

Jesse Hendrix is a writer whose blog is located here.

Editorial cartoon of the day

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A healthy economy needs controls

Years ago we were told that trickle down economics will help us all. Hey, it’s only been twenty years or so, you have to give these things time.

The fact of course is that it does no such thing. All economists who aren’t in the pockets of the super rich will tell you that. The US economy always does better when everyone shares in the wealth, because when people have money they spend it, which increases demand and builds growth. I mean, duh.

Of course, none of that has happened since the days of Reaganomics.

You see, back before the Stock Market Crash of 1929, there were practically no controls on the economy. The US averaged a crisis every seventeen years — For example, there was the Panic of 1819, the 1837 Crisis, the Panic of 1873, the Panic of 1893, the 1907 Banker’s Panic, and so on up to the Great Depression. Then Franklin Roosevelt put in controls and restrictions on Wall Street and banking and lo and behold, no depressions and no recessions for fifty years. Reagan comes in and removes those and bang! The S&L crisis, the 2001 recession, the 2007 Mortgage crisis, and the 2008 Bush collapse.

Capitalism works, but it only works with controls.

Here’s a series of charts showing how the economy has fared in the past twenty years or so. Note how no matter what happens, the income of the top 1% goes up. They always do well while the rest of us suffer.

So when someone tells you that restrictions on businesses are bad for the economy, just laugh at them, because clearly they have been brainwashed.

 

Editorial cartoon of the day

Editorial cartoon of the day

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Where we are now because of 9/11

I had this idea in my head to discuss how we’ve changed since 9/11, but David Wong over at Cracked said it much better than I could (and with plenty of links to back up his points) so I advise everyone to read this. It’s well written, funny, informative, and you owe it to yourself to check it out.

Editorial cartoon of the day

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I don’t believe in Zimmerman

Zimmerman is in custody for another incident involving a gun? Shocked! Shocked I am!

And in custody, too? Must be a white victim this time!

Maybe they had some skittles. That usually sets him off.

Clearly his elderly in-laws had threatened him and he was merely standing his ground.

Yeah, yeah, fine, I get it. I’m being mean. But this guy gets no sympathy from me.

Editorial cartoon of the day

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Anti-gay activists who are gay

A recent web page listed the Top 15 Anti-Gay Activists who Were Caught Being Gay. It makes for fascinating reading. (I’m waiting for Michelle Bachman’s husband to show up on a future list.)

What causes this? I think certain men who have been raised by their religion to believe that homosexuality is evil and yet have those feelings often try to fight it by becoming very anti-gay. It’s an attempt to convince themselves to stop so they won’t go to Hell or something.

It also explains why these guys always think being gay is a choice. They assume everyone has these same feelings, and gays act on them while the rest (like them) fight against these urges. “I have resisted succumbing to the temptation,” they think, “and so can everyone else! See? Obviously, being gay is a choice.”

Well, no. Being celibate doesn’t make you straight. Just ask any Catholic priest. There’s not one shred of evidence to support the idea that it is a choice.

The good news is that the world is changing, and becoming accepting. There are plenty of Christian churches that openly accept gays and teach that it is not a sin, and more are joining every day. Soon these people won’t have to hide in the closet and pretend they are straight. Soon they can be themselves.

Then we have to get to work on the Muslim churches.