Editorial cartoon: Justice wakes up

cosby

Michael deAdder

The Annual Look Back at Psychic Predictions for 2015

Happy New Year! Here it is, 2016, and time for our annual look back at the 2015 predictions made by psychics.

I predicted last year that, like every previous year we’ve done this (2014, 2013), the psychics would be wrong pretty much 100% of the time, and once more, I was right!

I must be psychic!psychic1

Of course, some of their predictions did come true, but you didn’t have to be a psychic to predict some of these things.  (These are real “psychic predictions” from December of 2014. I am not making these up):

  • Hollywood will release big blockbusters sequels in 2015: Hunger Games, Star Wars: Episode VII, Mission Impossible 5. (Really? Who would have predicted that these three films would be released in 2015? Why, you’d almost have to read anything on the internet to know that!)
  • Windows 10 released by Microsoft. (Yes, this was an actual “psychic” prediction as well.)
  • There are going to be the deaths of three celebrities in 2015. One will be by suicide, one will be drug related, and one will be of natural causes. (Given that “celebrities” here could mean anything from TV stars to recording artists to newscasters to politicians, yeah, I’m going to guess that at least three of them died last year and at least one would be from each of the reasons given above.)
  • An evangelical minister is going to outed for being gay. (Geez, that never happens!)

But, as you may guess (just like a psychic does!), the vast majority of these random guesses supernaturally provided predictions were absolutely wrong:

  • South African to win Ms. World; runner-up, Ms. India  (Nope to both)
  • Major religious leader passes away, as also a former President of U.S. (Well, you can probably find some random “major religious leader” who died, but President? Nope.)
  • U.S. Congress will pass a law to ban the sale of guns to people with mental disorders. (Yeah, I wish!)
  • Rumors of an Illness or accident around Hillary Clinton will sideline her chances of becoming the first female U.S. President in 2016. This will concern her feet (as in tripping and falling) or a medically related disease connected to her bones. (We all remember that, right?)
  • Tokyo in ruins after a giant earthquake. (Or maybe Godzilla?)
  • A dog breaks a world record. (What? That’s the entire prediction? Come on, guy, you have to give me more than that! What world record? Most albums sold? Tightrope walking? Smelliest farts?)
  • There are going to be many UFO sightings in 2015. Sightings of actual aliens, and people being abducted by aliens, will also be on the rise. This will be due to the major planetary shifts our planet will experience in the upcoming year. (Because who could forget these? And that “major planetary shift” that all the astronomers talked about all year?)
  • Last year for Vladimir Putin to be in power in Russia. (Nyet)
  • Pope resigns because of hidden illness. (Nuh uh)

You get the idea; we could do this all day.

Now, just for kicks, let’s think about what some of the biggest stories were in 2015 (according to ABC news).

  • Chalie Hedbo attacks in Pariszoltar
  • Germanwings plane crash
  • Shootings by police officers
  • Amtrack train crash
  • Prison escape in New York
  • Charlestown church shooting
  • On-air shooting in Virginia
  • Major murder trials
  • European refugee crisis
  • Gay marriage approved by the Supreme Court
  • Pope visits America
  • Massive terrorist attacks in Paris
  • Many mass shootings in America

You’d think at least one of these would be foreseen by psychics, wouldn’t you?

Every once in a while, one out of every hundred predictions made by these people will come true due to the vagueness of the prediction and the law of probabilities, and that’s the one they remind everyone about so people keep giving them money.

If a con artist scams someone out of their money, they can be prosecuted. That’s a crime.  How these people get away with the same sort of thing is beyond me.

This is what scam artists do, of course.  Speaking of which, here are some of the actual predictions Republicans made about what would happen if Obama was re-elected:

  • Gas will be $10.00 a gallon (According to Newt Gingrich, who promised to bring it down to $2.50 a gallon. It’s now around $2.25)
  • Unemployment will be over 8% (According to Mitt Romney. It’s now at 5.8%)
  • The Stock Market will crash (According to Donald Trump; it’s now around 18,000 and has risen 35% since Obama was elected)
  • Obamacare will destroy jobs (According to many Republicans. Instead, unemployment has dropped, especially since medical jobs are growing because of Obamacare)
  • Obama will force young people to go to FEMA re-education concentration camps (Okay, that one was from Michelle Bachmann, so no one with a brain ever took that seriously) 

I guess we can say then, given their similar track record on predictions, that Republicans are psychic.

The Christmas Story Today

Mike Peters

Another Sham Grand Jury

Is anyone really shocked that a DA persuaded yet another grand jury not to indict a police officer?

You can blame the jurors but I think the blame lies squarely on the DA’s shoulders, because Grand Juries are basically scams that allow the DA to subvert the system.

Most people don’t know what a Grand Jury is, so let’s clear that up first.*

There is a huge difference between a Grand Jury and a jury.  A jury is selected by a prosecutor and a defense attorney, who question each potential juror and have the right to remove any they think are possibly biased.  Then a trial that is open to the public is held. Both sides present evidence and witnesses. Both sides can cross examine and challenge anything the other side does.  A judge is presegrandjurynt to make sure it all runs fairly.  Both sides then give closing arguments summarizing their version of what happened.  And in order to find guilt, the jury needs  to be unanimous and convinced “beyond a reasonable doubt.”

A Grand Jury is none of those things. A Grand Jury is a group of citizens who have not been questioned about possible bias. A Grand Jury hearing is closed and secret and not open to the public. The DA presents whatever evidence he wants to without the worry that a defense attorney may cross-examine his witnesses or challenge his evidence. There is only one side presented. There is no judge. And then the only question the jurors have is whether there is enough evidence to send it to a real jury to determine guilt or innocence.

That is a very low burden to meet, which is why 99.99999% of all Grand Juries result in an indictment.

It would be much better if we didn’t call these things Grand Juries, because people hear “jury” and they think “trial.” There is no trial in a Grand Jury.

They’re scams. If a DA wants the Grand Jury to indict, he introduces only that evidence that supports his side and ignores all the evidence that does not. If the DA wants the Grand Jury not to indict, he does the opposite.

President of the Pennsylvania Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers (and friend) Jim Swetz pointed this out:  Former New York state Chief Judge Sol Wachtler famously remarked that a prosecutor could persuade a grand jury to “indict a ham sandwich.” The data suggests he was barely exaggerating: According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. attorneys prosecuted 162,000 federal cases in 2010, the most recent year for which we have data. Grand juries declined to return an indictment in 11 of them.

So if a DA does not get an indictment, it pretty much means he had no intention of getting one — making the whole thing a political farce, done so he can fool people who don’t understand what a Grand Jury is to think that “justice was done.”

In every other country and in many of the states, Grand Juries are no longer used. And for good reason.

If the purpose is to determine whether there is enough evidence to bring a case forward, it’s much better to have a preliminary hearing instead, open to the public, where evidence can be challenged by a defense attorney and reviewed by an independent judge.

But DAs like Grand Juries because it gives them an advantage.

It allows them to put witnesses on the stand, under oath, without having to deal with defense attorneys objecting or judges stopping them from asking questions they are not supposed to be asking. And then they have advance notice of what witnesses will say at the preliminary hearing and at the trial. If a witness changes his or her testimony, the DA can whip out the transcript of the Grand Jury and impeach their testimony. It’s also a great way to grab up a bunch of suspects, get them under oath, and force them to testify so you can figure out who to charge for the main crime and who to charge with conspiracy.  (Note:  Defense lawyers are allowed to attend but can only advise their clients not to speak; we can’t object to questions or cross-examine.)

The rules here in Pennsylvania allow DAs to hold onto those transcripts of the preliminary hearing and not show the defense attorneys until the actual literal last minute. Seriously. I had a trial a while ago that lasted three weeks and after one of my witnesses took the stand, then the DA had to give me a copy of the transcript from the Grand Jury that he was going to use to impeach her during his cross-examination. The trial stopped for an hour while I and the other defense counsel rushed through reading it so we could “prepare.” No wonder DAs like that!

Grand Juries are a waste of taxpayer time and money, harking back to old English common law, predating the Constitution and the rights we usually take for granted (such as open hearings and the right to cross-examine).

Here’s what you need to remember: A Grand Jury is not an adversarial proceeding. It’s a government activity, run completely by the government. And in too many cases involving police abuses, the government investigated the government and decided that the government did nothing wrong.

And that should make everyone mad, liberal or conservative.

*Much of today’s post is copied from previous posts about Grand Juries, so forgive me for that

Editorial cartoon: (Almost) All Lives Matter!

Matt Bors

Man who thrusts kids into public angry that kids pushed into public

Ted Cruz used his young daughters as political props in a campaign ad recently, as they read from a script and said exactly what he wanted them to say.

Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Ann Telnaes then portrayed him as a monkey grinder, having his pets perform for his benefit.telnaes gif

“Ourageous!” the Cruz people said.  “Kids are off limits!” The Washington Post backed down and pulled the cartoon from their web page and apologized.

Telnaes did not. Good for her.

Individuals deserve their privacy, even if they are married to politicians and especially if they are children. But if you thrust yourself into the spotlight, you cannot later complain about it.

If Ted Cruz is mad about his kids being lampooned, then the only person he has to blame is himself for allowing their privacy to be violated.

Telnaes’ fellow cartoonists have been largely supportive, with the best quote coming from Clay Jones: “The cartoonist didn’t expose them. Daddy did. Daddy is a hypocrite. Daddy is upset that someone exploited his children to make fun of him exploiting his children.”

Below are Jones’ and a few other cartoonists’ takes on it, in the best way they know how:

Clay Jones:

Clay Bennett:

Rob Rogers:

Darrin Bell:

Editorial cartoon: Performing monkeys

telnaes

Ann Telnaes

Bohemian Christmas Tree

Is this a real tree?freddie santa
Is this the plastic type?
It doesn’t matter
As long as it’s one that Santa likes
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
Are those some sleigh bells?
Is that a reindeer noise?
Because I really can’t wait no more
Christmas Eve is at store
Anyway the sky snows
Doesn’t really matter to me
To me

Mama, I’ll say again
I just can’t go to bed
Santa’s coming in his sled
Mama, the night has just begun
I must stay up to greet him when he comes
Mama, ooh
Got some cookies and some milk
I’m just gonna sit by the fireplace and watch
Carry on, carry on
That’s all that really matters

It’s late, his time has come
Are those sleigh bells that I hear?
Does that mean that Santa’s near?
Listen everybody — are those reindeer hoofs?
Prancing all around on top the roof?
Mama, ooh (Anyway the sky snows)
I don’t want to sleep
I sometimes wish I’d never need sleep at all

I see a fat silhouetto of a man
Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Coming out from the chimney
He’s got a bag wherefore
I think something’s there for me
Dasher, Dancer (Prancer, Vixen)
Comet, Cupid (Donner, Blitzen)
With a package just for me – A nintendo?

I’m just a poor boy hoping for a gift or two
He’s just a poor boy with a lot of gratitude
We’re just the chorus pleading for his case

Here’s a cookie for you, would you like some milk?
Kris Kringle! Should be in bed I know
Kris Kringle! Should not be up I know
Kris Kringle! I broke the rules I know
Broke the rules I know
Don’t throw me in the snow
Into the snow
Ho ho ho ho HO HO HO!
Oh please Santa oh please Santa
Oh please Santa let me go
Saint Nicholas has a Krampus put aside for me
For me
For me

So you think you can stay up and act like a spy?
So you think you can be a bad boy and get by?
Oh Timmy
This just will not do, Timmy
You’re getting coal
You’re getting coal in your stocking

Nothing really matters
Just Krampus and me
Nothing really matters
I’m a prisoner for eternity

Anyway the sky snows

Editorial cartoon: Helmets of the Dark Side

Matt Davies

Jesus, Santa, and Hermione Granger: All white!

Here we go again.

It was only last year that Megyn Kelly from Fox News was insisting that not only is Santa Claus white (despite being based on St. Nicholas, who was from modern-day Turkey) but so is Jesus (who was a Jewish lad from the middle east).

This Christmas, people are complaining that a new play about the Harry Potter gang is wrong because it casts Hermione as a black woman.

Ron, Hermione, and Harry as adults.  Look, they got the teeth right.

Ron, Hermione, and Harry as adults. Look, they got the teeth right.

Hello? Hermione is fictional! She’s a made-up people! She doesn’t really exist! (And anyway, J.K. Rowling pointed out that at no time is Hermione’s race mentioned in the books — only that she has “brown eyes and frizzy hair.” And then “large front teeth.” And there’s another mention in a later book that talks about her “looking brown.” Seriously.)

Not all of the complaints about this are from racist bigots. Sometimes the biggest complainers are the fanboys who get an idea in their heads and decide that X version of a fictional character is the only one possible, and any variation is blasphemy. “Superman can’t be black!” they scream, ignoring the fact that Superman isn’t even human — he could be green and polka dotted (although that might make his secret identity a bit tougher to hide).

Sometimes the race of a character matters in a fictional story. I’m currently working on a steampunk novel featuring Teddy Roosevelt. The main character is a black woman, and that is very important to the plotline, since the story takes place at a time when neither women nor blacks had any real power.

But Hermione? Why not? Isn’t one of the biggest themes in the Harry Potter novel about how we should accept people for who they are and not discriminate? The bad guys were all concerned with “purity of blood,” remember? Isn’t it obvious that the race of their fellow students didn’t matter to the Potter gang? Before hooking up with Ginny, Harry had dates with Cho Chang (Chinese ancestry) and Pavarti Patil (Indian ancestry), right? And didn’t Rowlings have a pretty diverse cast (well, for something taking place in England)? Okay, enough — my inner nerd is escaping.

Re-interpretations of fictional works happen all the time. Geez, look at how many times Shakespeare is done in a new way. Fictional characters can change race and sex and everything.

Which, coincidentally, brings me to another book I am editing now: Alternate Sherlocks — a collection of short stories featuring some pretty well-known authors — with Sherlock Holmes in new versions: as a female child, as an alien, as a vampire, as a parrot …

I sure hope that the speciests don’t come after me for that one.