Republican Politicians like Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee constantly argue that we need to have our laws follow “God’s laws” concerning marriage.
Therefore, here are some proposed laws to make sure that we support traditional marriage:
A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)
B. Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)
C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)
D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)
E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)
F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother’s widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)
G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)
Wait, wait — you mean those politicians don’t want traditional marriage at all? They just want to prevent gays from marrying? You mean they say that they want to obey God’s law but they are picking and choosing which of God’s laws they want to enforce?
Surely that can’t be right. I mean, if that was the case, then they’d all be a bunch of lying hypocrites, wouldn’t they?
Here’s my impersonation of a Texas politician:
“That goldurn Obama keeps sending the national guard and military down here! 
He wants to take over Texas! The national gummit is big and scary!”
Same politician, two weeks later:
“Goldurnnit, Obama, we need you to send the national guard and military down here to help us with the flooding! We need the national gummit to help us against things that are big and scary!”
Guy-who-will-never-be-President Mike Huckabee knows exactly what God wants. God wants him to run for President. Not only that, God forgives his big supporters, the Duggars, who knew about child molestation going on in their family and prayed away the crime. Case closed!
Yes, for everyone else, the law would come down hard on them but these are Mike’s pals and he made sure the judge he appointed had ordered the police to destroy the report.
After all, it’s not like we’re talking about that icky gay stuff now, are we? The Duggars, on their TV show, argued that we can’t have gay rights because those gays molest children. They were saying that, without a hint of irony, while their son was molesting their very young daughters.
Huckabee doesn’t think that this is such a big deal. He agrees it was a bad “mistake” (his words, not mine) but thinks that God has forgiven the molester and so we should too.
And the victims? Well, too bad. Huckabee doesn’t care about victims. Michael Brown, a victim, was, after all, a “thug” in Huckabee’s words. Coincidentally, so were the peaceful Ferguson protestors who, unlike the Duggars, could never be forgiven. I wonder what made those people different in his eyes?
The good news is that conservatives who actually stand for something are abandoning Huckabee in droves. “You’ve lost my support,” say many Christians who had previously stood behind the rabid preacher.
Not that it matters much anyway. He has no chance of winning the nomination, much less the Presidency. But it is important to see how many of these people think — consensual sex between two loving adults is a bad, unforgivable sin and should be illegal; nonconsensual sex with a minor is forgivable and the law should ignore it.
For Memorial Day, I thought I’d just post some cartoons, and remind everyone to always remember the true purpose of the day.
Nebraska just became the 19th state to get rid of the death penalty.
This is notable for two big reasons. First, Nebraska is not known as a hotbed of liberal views. Second: this was done by the legislature and not by one governor declaring that there would be no more death penalty in his state (like Pennsylvania’s new Governor Wolf did soon after taking office). And it wasn’t just a simple majority vote — The legislature passed this with enough votes to override a veto.
More and more, people are realizing that it is time America joined the rest of the civilized world in getting rid of uncivilized punishment.
There is absolutely no doubt that innocent people have been killed by this penalty. Those who insist on keeping it are basically saying they don’t care — that it’s better to kill one innocent person than it is to imprison a guilty one for the rest of his life.
Our system of justice is not perfect. Until we have a system that is 100% free from error we should not have a penalty that is 100% irreversible.
Right now, America shares the death penalty with such great democracies as China, Iran, North Korea, Pakistan, and Sudan. It’s time we distanced ourselves from the bad guys.
ventrellaquest.com 