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First Drafts: Movie Titles

Our previous first draft contest (“band names“) gave us some hilarious responses. This time, I asked for the first draft of movie titles, and here’s some of my favorites and the ones that got the most “likes” (in no particular order except me first):giphy

Michael A. Ventrella:

  • Moon Wars
  • WALL-F
  • The Wizard of Ounce
  • Bravespleen
  • The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Hours
  • Howl’s Moving White Castle
  • The Credibles
  • Apocalypse Whenever
  • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Kidney Stone
  • Hectopussy
  • Aunt-Man
  • Indiana Jones and the Penultimate Crusade
  • The Halfback of Notre Dame
  • The Perfect Stormy Daniels
  • Plan 9 From Altoona, PA

Savannah Luther:

  •  Ladychicken

Esther Friesner:

  • The Spare Change of the Sierra Madre
  • Debbie Visits Dallas
  • Hi, Noon!

Brandon E. Kumm:

  • Die In A Somewhat Difficult Way

Jay Pennington:

  • Prince Kong
  • Moulin Eyeliner
  • The Ten Suggestions
  • Lord of the Friendship Bracelets
  • A Barely Worth Mentioning Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
  • Force 10 from Toblerone
  • Permitted Planet
  • Lawrence of Flatbush

Terri Lynn Coop:

  • All’s Chill on the Western Front
  • The Streets of Conshohocken

Pam Smith:

  • The Jungle Pamphlet
  • Raging Cow

Daniel Persons:

  • Star Trek 3: The Search for Sporks
  • The Seven Year Staph Infection

Rachelle Stein:

  • Some Like it Lukewarm

Eric Hamilton:

  • Irate Max
  • Logan’s Amble
  • Children of a Lesser Dog

David Edward Martin:

  • It’s a Fairly Annoyed, Kind of Annoyed, Pretty Annoyed, Really Annoyed World

Jesse Hendrix:

  • The Okay Dictator

Glenn Haumann:

  • Indiana Jones and the Temple Of B’Nai Brith

Marcus Dark:

  • Awe Woman

Rebecca Morris:

  • Rosemary’s Tween
  • The Devil Wears Chinese Rip-offs
  • Call of Doody
  • Minority Post-it Notes

James Ryan:

  • The Shiny

Carl Montano:

  • Children of the Zucchini

Jason Harris Vichinsky:

  • Anxiety and Mild Disdain in Las Vegas

Steve Vaughan:

  • You’ve Got Texts
  • Crochet Your Wagon
  • Conan the Bartender

Andrew Sugermeyer:

  • Undocumented Immigrant Kane

Michael Engler:

  • A Fistful of Dollies
  • Slightly Soiled Harry

Maria Solly Engler:

  • Ghostadmonishers

Jason Leon:

  • The Fast and the Slightly Perturbed
  • Dances with Irish Setters
  • Monty Python and the Holy Grill
  • Escape from New Brunswick
  • Snakes on a Plain

Sarah Adams:

  • The Penultimate Jedi

Susie Guarino:

  • Where Eagles Consider
  • Air Force Two
  • First Lieutenant America

Mike Guarino:

  • Illinois Jones and the Shrine of Moderate Peril
  • Shaving Private Ryan

Kevin Irwin:

  • Drizzle Man

Donald Smith:

  • Larry of Arabia
  • The Wildebeest in Winter
  • Lab Assistant Zhivago

Michael Kaspszyk:

  • A Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Neighborhood

Sorry I couldn’t post them all! Be a friend of mine on Facebook for the next one.

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The Manhunt

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Clay Bennett

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“Black Panther” and white audiences

The new Marvel movie “Black Panther” looks great from all the previews. I’m looking forward to it, as are many fans of a good superhero film.

But you watch — as soon as it is released, you’re going to see articles from Hollywood types acting surprised that a film with an almost-entirely black cast is so popular with white audiences as well.

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I still remember when Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing” was out, and I was reading articles from Hollywood “experts” saying that it was an “urban” film (that’s their code word for “black” — as if there are no white people living in urban areas) and that white audiences couldn’t relate to the film.

As it was, I lived not far from the neighborhood where that movie was filmed. I can guarantee you that I could relate more to the people in that movie than I ever could to some white British aristocrats in 19th century England, yet no one ever says “White people can’t relate to ‘Pride and Prejudice.'”

In any event, what we really want are good movies. I don’t have to be black to enjoy a movie with black characters any more than I have to be Jewish to enjoy a Woody Allen movie or an animal to appreciate “Zootopia” or a hobbit to appreciate “Lord of the Rings.” And I think, despite what Hollywood executives may think, most Americans feel that way.

But just watch out. The articles acting surprised at the film’s success will soon be here.

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Their only strategy

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Steve Sack

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Why this deal is not bad for Democrats

A lot of liberals are criticizing the Democrats — you know, the minority party that doesn’t have a lot of power right now — for not getting everything they wanted in this government shut-down.

They don’t quite understand how politics work. You can’t always get everything you want.

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The Democrats gave up nothing. They got CHIP funded like it needed to be funded. The government is back open. And they kept DACA from disappearing.  Sure, it’s still on the table, but it’s not dead.

This is not a bad thing. People are now talking about it. We have another few weeks to build more support for keeping it (and, let’s face it, something like 80% of the public supports it).

Honestly, I’m kind of sick of the “Bernie Bot” mentality that if you’re not 100% in agreement with everything they want, you’re the enemy. I’m sick of the idea that compromise in order to move toward your goal is a bad thing.

Take Obamacare as an example. Was it everything we wanted? No, of course not (as I’ve said on this blog many times). But it’s still better than what we had, and we can move forward to make it even better.

There’s nothing wrong with getting half way up the hill, so long as you keep climbing. Instant gratification is something for children, not adults.

So yeah, do I wish the deal had included keeping DACA? Of course. But Jeez, it could have been killed today and it wasn’t. The Democrats kept the option open at a time when they, as the minority party, have little power.

This is a win, isn’t it?

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Religious Freedom! (TM)

Shakira

Sabrina Symington

 

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White House just can’t stop lying

The latest lie blames the Democrats for the government shutdown. This is despite the fact that the Republicans couldn’t even get enough votes from their own party to reach 50%.

Mind you, this isn’t just a talking point. In a completely unprecedented and childish move that is 100% away from “Presidential,” the White House has stopped answering the phone, and people who call get a message blaming the Democrats. I am not making this up.
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Let’s recap. The GOP said “If you don’t either kill the Dreamer program or CHIP which provides health care to poor children, and if you don’t let us build the wall, we’re going to shut the government down.”

Or, to put it another way, “We have hostages. Do what we say and we will only kill one of them.”

The Dreamer Program (DACA, which stands for “Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals”) is supported by 87% of all Americans, who clearly think it’s a pretty good idea. This allows innocent children who were brought here illegally by their parents to stay in this country if they do certain things (don’t get arrested, stay in school, join our military, etc.). It has been wildly successful. People like helping children. But, of course, the GOP hates it for some reason. (Hint: it helps brown people.)

CHIP (Children’s Health Insurance Program) similarly provides support for kids who, through no fault of their own, are poor.  It is supported by 75% of Americans because, come on, we’re nice people who think children deserve not to die. Once more, the GOP says “screw you” to what the vast majority of Americans want.

And then there’s the Wall that Trump promised Mexico would pay for. Now he wants us to pay for it. This is opposed by 63% of Americans as it has been since Trump first started spouting it on the campaign trail. Do you think the Republicans care what Americans want? (And why only a border wall with Mexico and not Canada?  Hint: brown people again.)

The Democrats are standing up for what the vast majority of Americans want. Yet the GOP still claims it’s the Democrats’ fault.

The House came up with a compromise (because that’s what government is all about — compromising) and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer met with the president and worked out a deal. Trump, of course, then broke his promise to Schumer almost immediately and then blamed Schumer. “Negotiating with this White House is like negotiating with jello,” Schumer said.

Yet they still say it’s the Democrats’ fault.

You’d think a man who ran on the platform of being “the world’s greatest negotiator” would have been able to come to some sort of compromise, wouldn’t you? But of course, for that to happen, it would have meant that Trump would have told the truth.

And that’s just clearly not in his character.

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Sheet-Hole Country

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Clay Bennett

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First drafts: Band names

I saw this on Facebook recently:

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I suggested a few possibilities and asked people to name their own and had hundreds of replies.  Some of these did not exactly follow the concept, and instead just used synonyms or otherwise changed a band’s name to make it funnier.

So let’s rebrand this. Instead, let’s call it “Band names: First drafts.” Here are my favorite suggestions in no particular order (except my entries first because it’s my blog):

Michael A. Ventrella:

  • They Probably Aren’t Giants
  • Slight Disturbance at the Disco
  • Completely Clothed Ladies
  • Foo Negotiators
  • Frank Zappa and the Brothers-in-Law of Invention
  • The Wilburys Who Stay at Home
  • Brunettey
  • Prince and the Peaceful Protest
  • QQ Top
  • Affirmative
  • The Foreplay Pistols
  • Derek and the Mahjong Tiles
  • Diana Ross and the Appellate Judges
  • Aerojones
  • Run-DMV
  • Battery-Operated Light Orchestra
  • Huey Lewis and the Fake News
  • Doubt
  • Adams Airplane

Terri Lynn Coop:

  • Bruce Springsteen and Some Band From Down the Street
  • KC and the Clear with a High of 74 Band
  • Trans-Sheybogen Orchestra

Mary Bacon:

  • The Grateful Only-Mostly-Dead

Gerald Blackwell:

  • The Stop-Stops

David Gerrold:

  • Bear-Naked Laddies
  • Crimson Thing

Steve Vaughan:

  • The Happy Blues
  • Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Flats
  • Sort of Whitish-Red Floyd

Lauretta Nagel:

  • Earth, Wind and Mudslide
  • Puce Floyd
  • Creedence Dishwater Revival

Beth Waggoner Patterson:

  • Yeah
  • Nuns With Attitude
  • Thing Crimson
  • Herman’s Introverts

Douglas Waltman:

  • Disappointment with the Machine

James Ryan:

  • Frankie Goes to Atwater Village

Mickey Blake:

  • Tears for Mild Anxieties
  • Prime Ministers of Canada

Farber Burny:

  • 10,000 Mildly Disturbed People
  • Normal Al Yankovich

Drew Bittner: 

  • AC/District of Columbia
  • Super Girl-With-an-Undeserved-Bad-Reputation

Billy Flynn:

  • Judas Altar Boy
  • Wimpy Wimpy Employeetones

Jay Pennington:

  • Tom Petty and the Let Them Down Easys
  • Molly Pocketknife
  • Led Balloon
  • Gladys Knight and the Peeps
  • Black Shabbat
  • Guns N’ Noses
  • Deep Beige
  • Pearl Jelly
  • Blue Cläm Cult
  • Spin Internists

Ken Warren:

  • The Mall Cops

Randy Eberle:

  • Aluminum Maiden

Ryk Spoor:

  • Snoop Puppy
  • The Ensign and Tenille

Savannah Luther:

  • Three Inch Nails
  • Florence and the Lever

John Herring:

  • One Dog Night
  • Thirty-cent
  • Wu-Tang Relatives
  • The Whom

Sharon Lyn Terrill:

  • Start a Letter Writing Campaign to the Machine
  • Jane’s 3AM Trip to Denny’s

Mark Davis:

  • Resident Dre
  • Slightly Disheveled Crue

Kevin Gould:

  • The Guess What

David Edward Martin: 

  • Evanston

Steven Morgenlender:

  • The Aunts and Uncles

Chris Meadows:

  • Hurry
  • Indignant Girls

Raymond Lawson:

  • Spice Rack Girls

Lee Hester:

  • The Credible String Band
  • LEM (Lazy Eye Movement)

Charles Rowe:

  • Jefferson Paper Plane

Michael Engler:

  • Me3
  • Broccolirama

Jason Harris Vichinsky:

  • Slingshots and Roses

Manny Borges: 

  • Sedan Halen
  • Alice in Jeans

Rich Weiss:

  • Old Farts on the Block

I’ll be doing other “first draft” challenges on Facebook to later post here; I think this could be fun. Suggestions are welcome.

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Oprah’s win free?

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Darrin Bell