“Mr. Spicer: As the President’s Press Secretary, what you say carries a lot of weight. So let’s try this again.  Just read the release.”

“President Trump’s budget proposal cuts funding for Meals on Wheels. Muahahahaha!”

“Right, but remember what I said — please try to read this without adding the evil laughter at the end.”

“Okay, I’ll try again. Hmmm. President Trump’s budget proposal cuts funding for Meals on Wheels.  Hrmmmmm. How was that?”

“Better, but the wringing of your hands and the hunched over posture don’t really convey trust. Here — stand up straight, don’t laugh, and try putting it into your own words.”

“Thanks to President Trump, we will no longer help starving poor old ladies since there is no financial benefit to us in return.”

“Yes. Well. That certainly summarizes the Trump position perfectly, but maybe we should move on. Go to the next talking point.”

“All right. Let’s see.  Funding for the Arts has been reduced as well as funding for PBS. How was that?”

“When did you grow a mustache?”

“The Environmental Protection Agency’s budget will be cut by almost a third, effectively killing its power to accomplish anything.”

“And the top hat?  Where did that come from?”

“Education funding is slashed unless you’re a rich kid going to a private school in which case we’re going to give all sorts of tax credits to your rich parents.”

“Stop twirling your mustache while you talk!”

“No more science! Cut! Transit? Forget it. Anything that helps people who aren’t already rich? Muhahahaha! Deal with it, suckers! We know you didn’t vote for us, but we don’t give a shit! Widows, orphans, the sick? When was the last time you contributed to the Republican party? Fools! Feel our wrath!”

“You’re really freaking me out now! I’m out of here. This isn’t working. Oh, but one final comment.”

“Yes?”

“At least you’re finally being truthful.”