The Conspiracy that is so Secret Even We Don’t Know We’re Part of It

One of the main problems with being a part of the vast liberal conspiracy is knowing you’re a part of it.

I mean, I never get meeting notices, and I have completely missed instructions as to our secret handshake.Badman

But this conspiracy must exist. So many on the right are convinced that the only way they keep losing arguments and debates is because of the immense and powerful cabal of liberal elites who run the media, politics, and apparently even games and science fiction awards.

“Surely we aren’t losing these battles because we’re wrong,” they say, “or because our views are not shared by the majority of people involved. It clearly has to be because of the vast left-wing conspiracy machine.”

This great and powerful group rivals the Illuminati in what it can get done. For instance, it can make evidence about Benghazi disappear completely, as if there never was any evidence in the first place! In smaller doses, it can use its power to convince a majority of people to do the exact opposite of what the right wing wants, almost as if the majority of people were going to do that anyway.

And how does this conspiracy accomplish these goals? Very subtly, by using an underhanded strategy that has been dubbed by the media elite as “facts.” These “facts” are evil instruments that eat away at our society’s moral center, contradicting the world view that the right knows actually exists — where immigrants are all rapists and the vast majority on welfare are drug users and Obamacare has been unsuccessful. Facts contradict many right wing views, so clearly the fault lies with those who insist on stating facts — that vast and evil conspiracy on the left.

So I am really insulted. Since I am obviously part of that fact-loving majority, I need to know:

When do I finally get my membership card?

(Thanks to Michael Pederson for inspiration for this post)