Trump Getting Desperate

“Jesus Christ, what do I have to say before you guys stop supporting me?” Trump asked at a rally recently.

“I’ve said before that I could shoot someone and you’d still vote for me but I was exaggerating — but now I think it’s true,” He said as he mopped his brow and cursed softly under his breath.

“I mean, come on — I’ve called for people to be beaten up at my rallies, said that women who have abortions should be jailed, made fun of a reporter’s handicap, called Mexican immigrants rapists, and said racist things about the President. My campaign manager beats up women and sadtrumpI support him, and I’ve been endorsed by the KKK. What more can I do?

“And policy positions? I made huge promises without once saying how I would accomplish anything. I’ve practically admitted I know nothing about foreign policy.

“And you Bible thumpers out there still support me, even after I misquote your holy book and can’t name a single part of it? Jesus, I’d think you’d hate me already for my adultery and many wives. I mean, isn’t that one of your top ten sins or something?”

Trump bowed his head and seemed to be holding back tears. “For fuck’s sake, I never wanted to be President,” he mumbled. “I just wanted some attention.”

The crowd waved its confederate flags and cheered, once more ignoring everything he said.