Author: Michael A. Ventrella

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No, Bill Clinton did not commit perjury

“You damned liberals complaining that Trump needs to be impeached! Why didn’t you want Bill Clinton impeached when he committed perjury — a felony!”

Look, I’m aware that conservatives have a reputation for ignoring facts when they get in the way of their world view — evolution and climate change aren’t real, trickle-down economics works, sexual orientation is a choice — but not only was Bill Clinton not convicted of perjury, he couldn’t be.4571618_orig

Yes, the House impeached him, because he lied about a consensual sexual affair he had with another adult. “Lying under oath is perjury!” they all scream. But no, it isn’t.

Perjury requires lying under oath about something relevant and material to a criminal investigation. If under oath you say your favorite color is blue when it’s really yellow, you’ve lied — but if your favorite color has nothing to do with a crime, then you haven’t committed perjury.

Adultery is not illegal. There was no “criminal investigation.” Republicans investigated both Clintons, over and over again, trying to find something — anything — they could get them on, and this was the only thing they could come up with. And impeachment doesn’t require anything more than enough politicians willing to impeach you.

Bill Clinton was never charged with perjury. No DA would file such frivolous charges, since clearly he hadn’t committed a crime. Is he a liar? Oh, absolutely. But he lied about something that really isn’t our business.

Meanwhile, Trump pretty much admits to Obstruction of Justice — an actual, real crime that has huge impact on our legal system — and Republicans yawn.  Since the GOP controlled the House under Clinton and Trump, and since they happily went after Clinton for his alleged non-crime, then surely they should be bringing impeachment charges against Trump for something much more severe right?

What? They’re not? Why, that would mean that they’re a bunch of lying hypocrites who are placing party above country!

(NOTE:  I know Bill Clinton is old news, but people keep bringing it up to distract from Trump. So feel free to bookmark this and send it to your Republican friends when they bring it up.

Not that it will matter. As we know, facts never convince them.)

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Editorial cartoon: Alarmed

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Clay Jones

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Wonder Woman Once More Surprises Hollywood

Hollywood: “It’s clear that audiences want movies with female heroes.”

No, dammit, we just want good movies. When will you learn?

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For years you said, “Audiences don’t want science fiction movies” and you pointed to how they never made any money. Then Star Wars came along, and you said, “Aha! I guess audiences changed their minds!”

Animated films? “No one goes to see them.” Then Little Mermaid is a huge hit. Aha! People want animated films!

Pirate movies? “Nobody wants to see pirate movies, they always bomb.” Pirates of the Caribbean is a hit? It’s so nice how people have adjusted their views on pirate movies.

“Audiences don’t want movies with female superheroes!” was Hollywood’s call until this weekend. “Look at how Catwoman and Elektra bombed!” Somehow the concept that the reason those earlier movies didn’t do well was because they sucked never crossed their minds.

Hollywood’s stupidity is most apparent when it comes to using main characters who aren’t white. “White audiences won’t go to see a movie with an ‘urban’ sensibility!” they say.  (“Urban” is their code word for “black” — as if there are no white people living in cities.) Seriously, Hollywood, this may come as a shock to you, but I can relate better to a story set in an “urban” environment than I can with a story about a bunch of rich, white people in an English countryside in the Victorian days, but for some reason Hollywood never considers that.

So I am also anxiously awaiting the release of Black Panther next year, and if it’s any good, I predict that Hollywood will respond by saying, “You mean people want to see movies with black heroes?”

No, you dimwits.  We want to see good movies.

 

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Editorial cartoon: Seat at the table

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Jim Pavlidis

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Kathy Griffin, Hypocrites, and the First Amendment

Comedian Kathy Griffin recently posted a picture of herself holding a severed bloody Trump head.

In comparison to all the crap conservatives posted about Obama — including actual death threats — it was mild, but still provocative. screen_shot_2017-05-30_at_1.47.48_pm_-_h_2017

Of course, that was the point, wasn’t it? Provocative? Isn’t that what comedians sometimes are like?

Immediately, GOP members without any sense of irony screamed about how inappropriate it was. “But the children may see it!” they yelled. Griffin lost some jobs, was criticized all over the internet, and many said she should be arrested for this.

Because, you know, if there’s one thing conservatives love, it’s America. They just hate what it stands for — you know, like that damned First Amendment, which is meaningless if it only protects speech we all agree with.

Then — and here is where you roll your eyes — GOP members who complained that the photo would harm children are now running that photo in campaign ads on prime time TV.

Why, it’s almost as if they really don’t care about the children at all and are merely blatant hypocrites!

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Editorial cartoon: The Orb!

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Steve Sack

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The Presidential Line of Succession

I’ve seen this meme or ones like it recently, and it’s quite misleading.18557060_10156192841743327_8267740641808002296_n

Someone has taken the line of succession (Vice President, Speaker of the House, Senate President, Secretary of State, etc.) and somehow has forgotten that holes can be filled in the meantime.

If Trump is impeached (Sorry — when Trump is impeached), then Pence becomes President.  He then names a new Vice President (approved by the Senate). If he names John McCain, then McCain becomes Vice President. And then if Pence is impeached, McCain becomes President, not Paul Ryan.

That’s what happened with Nixon. His Vice President Spiro Agnew resigned because he was a bigger crook than Nixon, and Nixon named Gerald Ford. Then Nixon resigned and Ford became President, and he named Nelson Rockefeller as his Vice President. We didn’t even need the line of succession law.

The only way this line of succession is important is if everyone was impeached at the same time. The reason we even have such a law about the line of succession is for the unlikely situation where there may be a terrorist attack or something and suddenly a bunch of these people die at once. We then go down that line to see who is next.

 

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Editorial cartoon: Dr. Trump

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Brian Carroll

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Peter Pan in Pink

Tired of politics today. Here’s a cute (and true) story for “Throwback Thursday.”

When I was around nine years old, I played a Lost Boy in the Virginia Museum Theater production of “Peter Pan.”

The first scene we were in involved us running around on stage, looking up and seeing Wendy flying into Neverland (off stage). “It’s a bird!” one of the Lost Boys would say. “It’s so big!” another would say. “Look how white she is!” I’d shout out.

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Me in costume backstage, doing my homework before the show

So we practiced and practiced and then the show opened and every night, I felt like an idiot saying my line. You see, in the scene, we’d take arrows and shoot them into the air and then Wendy would come down on her wires and land on the stage, where we’d realize she was not a bird. And there she would be, for everyone to see, dressed in the pink gown the costume designer gave her.

So one night about a week into the performance, when it came to my line, I shouted out “Look how pink she is!”

I was surrounded by laughter. I peeked into the audience but then realized it wasn’t coming from there — it came from the stagehands. You see, after performing a play so many times, everyone knew everyone else’s lines and it runs like clockwork — but I had thrown a wrench into the clock.

The show continued on, and after the performance, the director came up to me, while everyone was watching, and kneeled down before me. I was scared that he was mad, but he smiled and said, “Keep the line.”

So I marveled at Pink Wendy for the rest of the performances.

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Editorial cartoon: Treed

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Mike Luckovich