Announcing a kickstarter campaign for a new anthology (edited by me!) where the only requirement is that each story must contain the line “release the virgins” somewhere within. We have commitments so far from award-winning authors David Gerrold, Lawrence Watt-Evans, Jody Lynn Nye, Allen Steele, Steve Miller, Sharon Lee, Keith R.A. DeCandido, Gail Z. Martin, Cecilia Tan, Patrick Thomas, Shariann Lewitt, Alex Shvartsman, Hildy Silverman, and Daniel M. Kimmel. More will be added (especially if we raise enough from the kickstarter).
Here are my favorites in the “book title” competition (and the ones that got the most “likes”). And if you want to join in future ones, send a Facebook friend request.
Michael A. Ventrella
The Okay Gatsby
War and Not-War
Donkey Hotey
The Left Pinkie of Darkness
The Sound and the Furries
The Catcher in the Pumpernickel
Ringworm
Strawberry Finn
The Selfie of Dorian Gray
J, Robot
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep?
The Man who Folded His Wallet
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hellos
Ef Deal
Moby Bob
Kelly Allard
To Seriously Injure a Mockingbird
Moby’s Dick
David Gerrold
Stranger In A Strange Place
The Puppet Monsters
Time For Enough Love
The Left Hand of Dorkness
The Grapes of Rage
Van Tilburg
Beau Jest
Harry Pothead and The Goblet of Weed
Murray Blehart
Okay Omens
The Dragon-Walkers of Pern
Henry Hart
The Stray Cat, the New-Age Yoga Teacher, and the End Table
Christine Norris
A Crease in Time
James Ryan
Gone With the Light Breeze
Sooner Rather Than Later, Voyager
Tinker, Seamstress, Reservist, Snitch
A Streetcar Named Intrigued
Steppenpuppy
L.M. Kate Johnston
Fifty Shades of Neigh
Chuck Rothman
Middling Expectations
Dean Herrmann
The King James Babble
A Christmas Carly
Jesse Hendrix
A Haunakah Hymn
The Old Man and the Pond
Casino Royale with Cheese
Joe Niedbala
Heart of Dimness
Lady Chatterly’s Liver
An Arbor Day Carol
Drew Bittner
Howard’s Midsection
Cheryl Lynn Jones
Green Eggs and Food Poisoning
David Sweeney
A Tree Grows on Staten Island
Larry Hodges
The Wizard of Ounces
Steven Morgenlander
Boss of the Bracelets
Jonnan West
The Man in the Aluminium Foil Mask
Nicci Burnside
Gulliver’s Staycation
The Call of The Domesticated
Scott Gillespie
Concern and Dislike in Las Vegas
Plucky New World
J.A. Fludd
Pride and Mistaken Assumption
Crime and Plea Bargain
Pam Smith
No County for Millennials
Nurse Yes
Paul Boyle
Civil Disagreement on the Bounty
Farber Bunny
Around the Neighborhood in 80 Minutes
The Second Cousins From A Previous Marriage Karamozavs
10,000 millimeters under the Sea
The Past Puberty But Not Yet Middle Age Man and the Sea
A clever April Fool’s joke is always welcome, especially when it’s just plain funny, like an Onion article, where you first go “This can’t be real!” and then you realize it isn’t. If you can pull off that kind of joke, more power to you.
However, too many people simply post a lie and then after everyone believes you, you say “April Fools!” It doesn’t take skill or talent to say “Oh no, I broke my leg! Ha ha, April Fools.”
That’s not clever and distracts from people who really do have serious things happen to them tomorrow. Posting that you had something terrible happen to you may simply remind people who have had that terrible thing happen to them about it, and what’s the fun in that? You’ve just made people sad instead of entertaining them.
For instance: The same year my wife and I got married, we made invitations exactly like the ones we sent out for our wedding, except these invited everyone to come to our divorce, to be held at the Suffolk County Courthouse, on April 1. It went over well, because people first thought it was an official invitation to some special event, then they went “Whaaaaa?” then they laughed.
Anyway, please be clever if you’re posting an April Fool’s joke. Thanks.
Our previous first draft contest (“band names“) gave us some hilarious responses. This time, I asked for the first draft of movie titles, and here’s some of my favorites and the ones that got the most “likes” (in no particular order except me first):
Michael A. Ventrella:
Moon Wars
WALL-F
The Wizard of Ounce
Bravespleen
The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Hours
Howl’s Moving White Castle
The Credibles
Apocalypse Whenever
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Kidney Stone
Hectopussy
Aunt-Man
Indiana Jones and the Penultimate Crusade
The Halfback of Notre Dame
The Perfect Stormy Daniels
Plan 9 From Altoona, PA
Savannah Luther:
Ladychicken
Esther Friesner:
The Spare Change of the Sierra Madre
Debbie Visits Dallas
Hi, Noon!
Brandon E. Kumm:
Die In A Somewhat Difficult Way
Jay Pennington:
Prince Kong
Moulin Eyeliner
The Ten Suggestions
Lord of the Friendship Bracelets
A Barely Worth Mentioning Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
Force 10 from Toblerone
Permitted Planet
Lawrence of Flatbush
Terri Lynn Coop:
All’s Chill on the Western Front
The Streets of Conshohocken
Pam Smith:
The Jungle Pamphlet
Raging Cow
Daniel Persons:
Star Trek 3: The Search for Sporks
The Seven Year Staph Infection
Rachelle Stein:
Some Like it Lukewarm
Eric Hamilton:
Irate Max
Logan’s Amble
Children of a Lesser Dog
David Edward Martin:
It’s a Fairly Annoyed, Kind of Annoyed, Pretty Annoyed, Really Annoyed World
Jesse Hendrix:
The Okay Dictator
Glenn Haumann:
Indiana Jones and the Temple Of B’Nai Brith
Marcus Dark:
Awe Woman
Rebecca Morris:
Rosemary’s Tween
The Devil Wears Chinese Rip-offs
Call of Doody
Minority Post-it Notes
James Ryan:
The Shiny
Carl Montano:
Children of the Zucchini
Jason Harris Vichinsky:
Anxiety and Mild Disdain in Las Vegas
Steve Vaughan:
You’ve Got Texts
Crochet Your Wagon
Conan the Bartender
Andrew Sugermeyer:
Undocumented Immigrant Kane
Michael Engler:
A Fistful of Dollies
Slightly Soiled Harry
Maria Solly Engler:
Ghostadmonishers
Jason Leon:
The Fast and the Slightly Perturbed
Dances with Irish Setters
Monty Python and the Holy Grill
Escape from New Brunswick
Snakes on a Plain
Sarah Adams:
The Penultimate Jedi
Susie Guarino:
Where Eagles Consider
Air Force Two
First Lieutenant America
Mike Guarino:
Illinois Jones and the Shrine of Moderate Peril
Shaving Private Ryan
Kevin Irwin:
Drizzle Man
Donald Smith:
Larry of Arabia
The Wildebeest in Winter
Lab Assistant Zhivago
Michael Kaspszyk:
A Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Neighborhood
Sorry I couldn’t post them all! Be a friend of mine on Facebook for the next one.
The new Marvel movie “Black Panther” looks great from all the previews. I’m looking forward to it, as are many fans of a good superhero film.
But you watch — as soon as it is released, you’re going to see articles from Hollywood types acting surprised that a film with an almost-entirely black cast is so popular with white audiences as well.
I still remember when Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing” was out, and I was reading articles from Hollywood “experts” saying that it was an “urban” film (that’s their code word for “black” — as if there are no white people living in urban areas) and that white audiences couldn’t relate to the film.
As it was, I lived not far from the neighborhood where that movie was filmed. I can guarantee you that I could relate more to the people in that movie than I ever could to some white British aristocrats in 19th century England, yet no one ever says “White people can’t relate to ‘Pride and Prejudice.'”
In any event, what we really want are good movies. I don’t have to be black to enjoy a movie with black characters any more than I have to be Jewish to enjoy a Woody Allen movie or an animal to appreciate “Zootopia” or a hobbit to appreciate “Lord of the Rings.” And I think, despite what Hollywood executives may think, most Americans feel that way.
But just watch out. The articles acting surprised at the film’s success will soon be here.
I’ve been running this blog for five years or so now, using WordPress. In exchange for giving me a free page, they’d run ads everywhere.
But they never showed me the ads. I’d just get a message saying, “Some of your readers may see an ad here.”
I recently looked at this page on my phone and then again from a computer where I was not logged into WordPress automatically and was surprised at how often these ads popped up.
So I finally gave in and paid the extra yearly fee so you won’t have to see any ads.
You can thank me by maybe buying one of my books — they make good holiday presents, too.
The new Doctor Who has been announced, and it’s a woman. So of course, some fanboys (and some fangirls) are complaining. “But the Doctor is a man!”
No, the Doctor is fictional.
The biggest complainers are the ones who get an idea in their heads and decide that X version of a fictional character is the only one possible, and any variation is blasphemy. “Superman can’t be black!” they scream, ignoring the fact that Superman isn’t even human — he could be green and polka dotted (although that might make his secret identity a bit tougher to hide).
Sometimes it really matters whether a character is male or female, black or white … if it’s important to the plot. And sometimes the writer/director/producer decides to go against the expected to make a point or to do something different with the character.
Re-interpretations of fictional works happen all the time. Look at how many times Shakespeare has been done in a new way. Characters can change race and sex; the story can take place in the present or the future — it’s fiction. You can do that.
With Doctor Who, it’s even easier to change, because the Doctor changes. Since the show has been going on for 50 years or so, the same actor has not played the part and so the writers came up with “regeneration” where the Doctor sheds his old body and takes on a new one. I’ve never understood plot-wise why that has to happen, but I certainly understand why that needs to be done for TV’s sake. And there is nothing in the established history of the show to indicate why the Doctor regenerated as male the last dozen times (or, for that matter, why the aliens always seem to be attacking London, but that’s a separate issue). So what’s wrong with a female this time? Statistically speaking, shouldn’t that have happened long ago?
For that matter, what’s wrong with changing real, actual history for dramatic purpose? Hamilton features minority actors playing the white Founding Fathers, and they did that to make a specific point, as well as to say, “Who cares what color the actor is that plays this part?” The story is still plenty strong, the characters are believable and real, and so what if they don’t look exactly like the people they’re portraying?
The story of how I “predicted” the Hodor plotline has apparently gained me another 15 minutes of fame, as it’s once more recounted on Cracked’s web page today in an article called “6 Throwaway Jokes That Ended Up Predicting Huge Plot Twists.”
If you don’t know the story, click here for the background.
George was of course a great sport about it all and gladly posed for a joke picture afterwards:
Celebrating the differences that make us great and accepting those differences was one of the key concepts in the original Star Trek. So I’m glad to see that the official Star Trek merchandise now includes pride symbols.
There have been complaints, of course, because there are who claim to be fans of Star Trek who really aren’t, because they don’t get the whole theme of the show. In fact, for most of science fiction (apart from dystopian stuff), when you look to the future, you see more acceptance of different cultures, not less.
When Star Trek first began 50 years ago, it was a shock to see a female officer, and even moreso to see a black female officer. Well, yes, she was in charge of “communications” which, in many episodes, made her just a glorified receptionist, but then there were those where Uhura went on those missions alongside the men, fighting right beside them. Every once in a while, we’d get other female officers and even a black admiral or two. “No way the future would be like that!” some people claimed in 1966, never imagining that within their lifetime it would be unusual not to see people like that in power.
We clearly haven’t reached the goal of true equality, but like the Vulcans, we should always strive for infinite diversity in infinite combinations. Live long and prosper.
Hollywood: “It’s clear that audiences want movies with female heroes.”
No, dammit, we just want good movies. When will you learn?
For years you said, “Audiences don’t want science fiction movies” and you pointed to how they never made any money. Then Star Wars came along, and you said, “Aha! I guess audiences changed their minds!”
Animated films? “No one goes to see them.” Then Little Mermaid is a huge hit. Aha! People want animated films!
Pirate movies? “Nobody wants to see pirate movies, they always bomb.” Pirates of the Caribbean is a hit? It’s so nice how people have adjusted their views on pirate movies.
“Audiences don’t want movies with female superheroes!” was Hollywood’s call until this weekend. “Look at how Catwoman and Elektra bombed!” Somehow the concept that the reason those earlier movies didn’t do well was because they sucked never crossed their minds.
Hollywood’s stupidity is most apparent when it comes to using main characters who aren’t white. “White audiences won’t go to see a movie with an ‘urban’ sensibility!” they say. (“Urban” is their code word for “black” — as if there are no white people living in cities.) Seriously, Hollywood, this may come as a shock to you, but I can relate better to a story set in an “urban” environment than I can with a story about a bunch of rich, white people in an English countryside in the Victorian days, but for some reason Hollywood never considers that.
So I am also anxiously awaiting the release of Black Panther next year, and if it’s any good, I predict that Hollywood will respond by saying, “You mean people want to see movies with black heroes?”
ventrellaquest.com 