Nobody for Speaker!

I’m presently in Washington DC as an invited guest panelist at Capclave, a literary science fiction convention, where I am promoting my book “Bloodsuckers: A Vampire Runs for President” (among others).  Late last night, I was on a fun panel wherein the four of us were challenged to improvise a story based on random suggestions of things from the audience. It was great fun.

But since this is DC, some of the suggestions were political — which is fine with me.

cartoon by Mike Luckovich

cartoon by Mike Luckovich

I went first, and the three items I was given were “A hat with free will,” “Diet coke” and “Speaker of the House” — so I began a story about Paul Ryan using Harry Potter’s Sorting Hat to determine whether he should be Speaker and being told that he would have to seek out a hobbit named Robert Reich and go on a quest … the story went downhill from there as each panelist took their turn with three new suggestions, involving the Three Stooges, Santa Claus that only spoke in anagrams, a dragon that thought he was Liberace, and a giant robot with a small potato for a heart who was constantly saying “size doesn’t matter.”

But this was in no way as strange, bizarre, and convoluted as the real story for the Speaker of the House. For the first time in American history, nobody wants this powerful and important position, second in line for the Presidency. This is unprecedented.

The Republican party is in such disarray that no one wants to be captain of the sinking ship. The sinking ship that has a continuous mutiny. While it is sailing in the opposite direction of where it needs to go. With a dangerous cargo that… okay, enough of that metaphor. You get the point.

Oh sure, there are a few that want the position but no one is taking them seriously. None of them have enough support to make a difference, and that’s the key — the party is totally disorganized and can’t get its act together, which is why Boehner wants out in the first place.

As for me and my fellow Democrats? We’re just going sit here in the bleachers and watch the demolition derby. Pass the popcorn!

Stupidest Ben Carson Quotes

Forget the fact that Dr. Ben Carson has never held an elected position in his life and is about as qualified to become the Most Powerful Man in the World as any other random doctor you could find.  He is an idiot when it comes to politics and history.

He is, however, a wonderful source for stupid quotes. Here are some of his best (or worst, depending on how you want to look at it):Obamacare-27

“ObamaCare is the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery.” Because providing health care to people to make sure they don’t die is exactly like owning slaves! Why, the two are practically synonymous!

[America is] very much like Nazi Germany.” He said this because he believed liberals are like Nazis, what with their love of equality, gay rights, and freedom of religion. We know how much the Nazis loved those things.

“I think most people when they finish that course, they’d be ready to go sign up for ISIS.” This was his objection to an American history course that taught students about slavery and Martin Luther King, Jr. and civil disobedience — you know, history. Clearly, learning facts would obviously make people immediately join a terrorist group. It goes without saying. Which is why no sane person ever says it.

“Marriage is between a man and a woman. It’s a well-established pillar of society and no group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA [North American Man/Boy Association], be they people who believe in bestiality — it doesn’t matter what they are.”  It’s true, you know. Gay people getting married to the person they love is exactly like non-consentual child molesters and animal abusers.  No, wait, I remember now, they have absolutely nothing to do with each other. My bad.

“Well, do those same people argue for freedom of choice when someone says, ‘I want to buy a gun, I want to buy an Uzi?'”  This one is good. When asked if marijuana should be legal, he said no, it was a gateway drug and it “leads to hedonism.” He was then asked if it wasn’t a matter of free choice, and he responded with this quote. Mind you, he thinks guns should be easy to obtain, so with this quote he is attacking liberals for being hypocrites while simultaneously being exactly as hypocritical.

“Because 9/11 is an isolated incident.”  That was his response to a question asking him how he could say Obamacare is worse than 9/11. Because of course. 9/11 killed thousands of people;  Obamacare has saved thousands. Excellent analogy.

“A lot of people who go into prison go into prison straight — and when they come out, they’re gay.”  This was his scientific evidence that being gay is a choice.

“So if there were a container of contaminated urine, and somehow it managed to find its way to someplace a lot of damage could be done. Someone comes up to a lab worker. He knows he’s got the urine. ‘How would you like to have a million dollars?’ … Such things have been known to happen.”  This is a doctor talking now, about ebola, and how it could be used as a chemical weapon even though every other doctor said no, that couldn’t happen.

“Why did evolution divert in so many directions — birds, fish, elephants, apes, humans — if there is some force evolving to the maximum? Why isn’t everything a human — a superior human?”  What the hell is a doctor doing denying (and clearly not understanding) evolution?

“For most of our history, schoolchildren were taught the guiding principles of the Constitution from the earliest age, and even members of Congress with controversial civil rights histories such as the late Sen. Strom Thurmond of South Carolina and Sen. Robert C. Byrd of West Virginia kept a copy of that great document in their jacket pocket to remind them of the responsibilities and limits of governance.” I talked about this in a previous post wherein this genius talked about things in the Constitution which aren’t there. This quote belongs on this list mostly because the two heroes of the Constitution he mentioned were both KKK members who did everything in their power to subvert the Constitution and keep people like Dr. Ben Carson from having any rights. Sometimes I wonder if maybe this is guy is just suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

But you know, this idiot is a new Republican icon because he appeals to their stupidity.  (I won’t say he is a conservative icon because there really are smart conservatives.  None of them seem to have any power any more in the new Stupid Party.)

So they love Dr. Ben Carson — a man who is absolutely opposed to government handouts! And he should know — raised in public housing, gone to public schools, fed with food stamps, supported with welfare, kept healthy with medicaid, received federal grants and loans to go to college —  he knows how terrible government is!

Oh, did I mention that besides being stupid, he’s also a flaming hypocrite?


Edit: Please note that this was written back in March of 2015. He’s said a lot more stupid stuff since then.



Republicans: “Nice country you got here. Shame if something were to happen to it.”

Republicans have pledged to not fund Homeland Security because Obama is allowing immigrants with children to not be deported under very strict circumstances (the old Reagan immigration policy).

Got that?  All of us will be at risk unless we kick families out of the country to fend for themselves, Lord-of-the-Flies style.

Republican political advisers Doug and Dimsdale Piranha

Republican political advisers Doug and Dimsdale Piranha

And then they want to blame Democrats. “If there is a successful attack during a DHS shutdown, we should build a number of coffins outside each Democratic office and say, ‘You are responsible for these dead Americans,’” said Republican Senator Mark Kirk.

So they admit to their blackmail and say that if people die because of it, it’s the fault of the ones who refuse to be blackmailed.

But then something amazing happened. Some Republicans looked at the polls for once and realized their position is hugely unpopular. Over 60% of Americans favor Obama’s immigration policy.

Senator Kirk was the first one to pedal backwards, saying “I generally agree with the Democratic position here.”  No more talk about coffins.

At least for now.  Give it another week.  Something else equally as deplorable is certain to happen.

Christie dumbs himself down in order to win Stupid Party nomination

I may disagree with Chris Christie over politics, but he always seemed like a fairly smart guy.  I’ve even complimented him in the past.

Then he decided he wanted to be President.   

In order to be a Republican President, you have to win the Republican primaries.  chris-christieAnd in order to do that, you have to be a member of the Stupid Party.  Primary voters are always at the extreme end of the political spectrum (Democrats, too) — so in the Republican primaries, that means you need to appeal to the anti-science, anti-immigrant, anti-women’s rights, anti-gay rights Tea Party types.

Christie began by ignoring the fact that a majority of the people who elected him in New Jersey favor gay marriage, by coming out against it and even vetoing the bill to allow it in his state.

Now he’s siding with the anti-science crowd over vaccinations.  Vaccinations!  I still can’t believe this is even an issue.  “Medicine is the work of evil scientists who want to cure everyone!”  WTF is wrong with these people?

Admittedly, the anti-vaccination people also include many stupid liberals who believe in crystals and magic and other nonsense, but Christie is using this issue to side with the anti-government crowd.  He says he vaccinates his kids but he doesn’t like the fact that the government forces him to do so.  You know, the stupid position.

Some politicians like Bobby Jindal are frustrated by this, literally telling his fellow Republicans “We have to stop being the ‘Stupid Party.'”   But then even Jindal is toning up the stupidity in order to appeal to the base, by allowing creationism to be taught in the schools and otherwise appealing to the stupids.

And it really doesn’t help that Christie’s campaign committee is “Leadership Matters For America.Org” — or LMFAO.

Louis Gohmert’s Stupidest Comments

Although Congress’ IQ rose tremendously upon the departure of Michelle Bachmann, Louis Gohmert has been doing his best to push it into the single digits.  What really excites me today, though, is his announcement that he will be challenging Boehner for Speaker because Boehner is just too radical.  Why, he actually even accomplished a few things in the last term!gohmert

Seriously, this is a fight worth watching, as the Republican party implodes and turns even more into the “Stupid Party”.  I can’t wait to see what happens.

But for now, allow me to point out Louis Gohmert‘s Top Ten Stupidest Comments.  (And it wasn’t difficult to come up with ten):

  1. Women are having “terror babies” here in the US, then sending the kids off to be trained as terrorists so in twenty years or so they can come back here legally and kill us all!
  2. Radical Islamists are entering America by posing as Latinos (because, really, who can tell these dark-skinned people apart?).
  3. Gay marriage clearly will lead to the legalization of bestiality and pedophilia.
  4. The Muslim Brotherhood has infiltrated and runs the White House.
  5. Vaccines are evil, not because of worries about autism, but because they will allow for people to live longer against God’s will, and soon the world’s population will be at a staggering 700 million!  (Note:  It’s currently about 900% larger than 700 million.)
  6. The Aurora, Colorado gun massacre was God’s will, punishing us for keeping God out of the classroom.
  7. Gays in the military is a terrible idea because they’ll be so busy giving each other massages that they won’t be able to defend us.
  8. Obama’s immigration policy is the real “War on Women” because it allows immigrants to come over the border and rape our women.
  9. The Keystone pipeline is important because it allows caribou to have a warm place to mate (because for the millions of years prior to a pipeline, they never mated.  Oops!  Sorry.  Gohmert doesn’t believe in science.  Make that 4,000 years.).
  10. “The attorney general will not cast aspersions on my asparagus!” (Yes, he said that on the floor of Congress.)

So go to it, Republicans!  Make Gohmert the symbol of your party.  We won’t mind.


Four Reasons why the GOP will lose in 2016

Democrats may lose Congress thanks to apathetic voters, gerrymandering, and acting too much like Republicans, but we’ve pretty much got the White House secure for the foreseeable future.  Here’s why:

1.  The Electoral College.  As much as I want to get rid of it, it certainly works to the Democrats’ favor.  You need 270 electoral votes to win, and Democrats start with 252 that are pretty much guaranteed, in states that haven’t voted Republican since Bill Clinton was elected.

If you add to that group Virginia and New Mexico (states that have been reliably blue the past few elections) then bang, you’re at 270, and that doesn’t even count the possibilities of winning Nevada, Ohio, Florida, and Colorado, all of which have gone Democratic in the past two elections (even North Carolina and Indiana went Democratic in 2008, so don’t necessarily count them out either).

Republicans, meanwhile, start with maybe 167 guaranteed electoral votes.  That’s a huge burden to overcome. emap

Look at that map again. See how the Democrats only need to get Florida to win? If not Florida, then only two states (for example, Virginia and Nevada).  For the Republicans to win, they will need pretty much every single gray state on this map. And even if they took every single gray state, that would only be 280. If as few as one state goes the other way (Florida or Virginia, for instance), they lose.

2.  Numbers.  There are more of us than there are of them.  If we’d vote in equal percentages, we’d always hold Congress, too, but we don’t — except in Presidential years.  More people voted for Democrats in 5 of the last 6 Presidential elections (and in that last one — GWB’s re-election — there are those who question that).  There’s no reason to assume that will change, especially because of…

3. Demographics.  Republicans are predominately older white men.  It’s true.  Young people, women, minorities — all securely Democrats.  And as the country becomes less and less white, and as women become more and more independent, those numbers keep changing to the Democrat’s favor.  Further, fewer people identify themselves as conservative these days.   It’s a trend that has reasonable Republicans rightly worried.

4.  Candidates.  Let’s face it, the Republicans do not have a shining star on the horizon — there is no one with the personality of Ronald Reagan who can charm America into voting for him.  Instead, we get Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, Chris Christie, Ben Carson, Mitt Romney (again),  and a bunch of others who, in the last poll, could not get past 10%.

The Republicans know this.  And that is why they so desperately are trying to suppress the vote and get rid of campaign finance laws.  “If you can’t win by getting the most votes, then cheat and buy the election” is their motto.

The latest ridiculous conservative outrage

The latest outrage consists of making fun of Obama for wearing silly clothes at a recent summit in China, as you can see from this meme polluting the right-wing blogosphere.

obama china

I suppose I don’t have to point out that every other foreign leader was wearing the same thing, including Vladimir Putin, do I? And that every President before Obama wore similar garb?

Heh! It’s funny because the implication is that facts matter to these people.

What’s even funnier are the comments about the incident, which once more include two completely contradictory themes:

“We hate China! We should not be beholden to them. America needs to assert itself. The President should not bow down to China.”


“Hey, look! Obama looks real unhappy dressing in the traditional clothes they make them all wear at these things! And he was chewing gum when he arrived! How dare he not show proper deference to China!”

At least they are consistent in their beliefs.  No matter what Obama does, they hate it.